I have been planning to write this post for weeks but my hectic schedule at the kindergarten has not let me. This weekend I decided to be strict with myself and find some time to finally sit and write what I have been trying to say about my
Before I start, let me explain what couchsurfing is for those who have never heard of it before.
What is Couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing has been created by Casey Fenton – an American who set up a web portal that offers its users hospitality exchange (you can host travelers or get hosted when traveling) and social networking services (helping each other with travel issues). The idea is very simple and the portal couchsurfing.org is getting bigger and bigger each day with more than one million registered users from more than 70.000 cities.
It’s free of charge and easy to set up. You just need to fill in some personal information, add some photos and get references to look more reliable. You can also get verified to show other members you are who you are saying you are.
Why couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing is a great way of exploring places on a budget without spending a lot of money on accommodation. Moreover, you can meet amazing people who can look after you and show you around the city. It’s a great alternative for solo travelers not to feel lonely or for those who are looking for new friendship and fun.
On the Couch is the story of Fleur Britten’s adventure staying on the couches of strangers abroad. If you’re thinking about couch surfing this is definitely a must-read – it’ll open your eyes to what you could expect. You can get the book here.
For me,
Is it safe?
In today’s world, nothing’s safe. Let’s face it. Same applies to
Couchsurfing vs. Sexsurfing
It’s getting more and more popular that girls pick up boys as their hosts and vice versa. Why? For some, it’s just someone who seems nice, but for others, there are more chances to have “no strings attached” free sex. I have heard of it before but never thought it might have been a true statement. As it turns out, it is. What’s even worse, it sounds so obvious to some people. Let me explain that on my example without mentioning any names. In total, I was hosted by 5 guys and 3 girls during my whole European backpacking. I was asked to have sex twice and 2 people were saying they were hoping to have sex before I had arrived and only one person did not mention anything about that.
I was shocked when I found out that some guys accept couchsurfing requests mostly from Slavic girls thinking they are easy to have sex with. I was even more surprised when I found out that a lot of girls are looking for one night stand as a part of their unforgettable couchsurfing experience.
I might sound like a 80-year-old granny right now, but I openly say NO to that. For me traveling is about seeing new places and not about having sex with random guys.
I sometimes felt uncomfortable with my hosts saying “The door to my bedroom is open all night”! When it happened once I was laughing and taking it as a joke, but it happened more than once. For me it’s simply inappropriate. I might be old-fashioned but for me it takes some time to open up to someone and gaining my trust is not that easy. I must be in love or at least feel a strong connection with the person I am going to sleep with.
The first time I came across Sexsurfing was in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I’ve heard some stories from local boys who hosted girls from all around the world and they slept with more than 3/4 of them. The guys were surprised of how easy it was to do that. I remember one guy saying “White girls are so easy and hot!” I thought they were joking but as it turns out girls are often more pushy than guys when it comes to sex.
The main reason for me for choosing male hosts were my personal preferences. I prefer to hang out with guys to be honest because they normally are funnier, they don’t argue over stupid stuff and I often learn a lot from them especially when it comes to travels. I’m not into shopping and gossiping that much so didn’t take female hosts into consideration. It was my mistake. As it turned out, I had a wonderful time with my Taiwanese girls in Prague and we still keep in touch, whereas some of my male hosts don’t even reply to my messages on Facebook (after I turned them down).
What shocks me the most is not the fact that a couchsurfer and a host might end up in a bed together, but the fact people use this portal to hunt girls for free sex and vice versa. I am now thinking of how many girls may not have a strong personality to refuse…
Getting a hotel room or hostel bed could be a better option if you’re not very good in saying no when you feel that way.
How about you? Do you agree? Have you had any Couchsurfing/Sexsurfing experience when traveling? Share your thoughts in comments.
I am really curious of what you might think and thank you in advance!
446 thoughts on “Couchsurfing or Sexsurfing? What is the Difference Nowadays?”
yeah, girls sometimes are boring.and men are mostly dirty.a man used to tell me ,u should take care of a man ,even he is 70 years old.
A pregnant woman met a girl ,and told her she had a bellyache,and asked the girl to help her go home.in the woman’s house,she gave the girl a yoghourt that mixed with medicine,and then the woman’s husband raped and killed the girl , .this couple then berried the girl in the forest.this news shocked everyone in china recently.
the world is so dangerous.so be cautious.
what if i were a swordwoman ,having indefectible kongfu in the ancient times~~
anyway ,welcome in china ,my husband and i are living in shanghai city
the best choice is a big family that two or three generations living together.u can learn more.and be safer~~~i think that is the real happiness we surfers want
Interesting topic. I’m a male couchsurfer and I think I can say I’m one of the “good” hosts. Not to say that I haven’t wanted to sleep with some female guests before or even made moves, but I only do that if it seems blatantly obvious that she’s attracted to me. If her vibe is just platonic toward me, I don’t bother. I wouldn’t invite someone into my home and then make them feel uncomfortable.
That said, I think women can be a bit naive in underestimating how much sex motivates almost EVERYTHING men do. In your article you mentioned that you prefer male hosts because they are funnier and show you a better time. But the reason males are even motivated to funny to women and show them a good time is in order to attract them. People are inherently selfish at some level, we do things because we get something out of it in one way or another. Many men will be glad to show women the time of their life if they think they are going to get laid for their efforts. It’s that simple. In a way it seems you want to have your cake and eat it too. You want male hosts because they are more entertaining, but don’t want them to also want to try and hook up with you, when often the reason they are being entertaining is in hope of hooking up with you. Of course there are some guys out there will be happy to show a woman an amazing time with no hope of getting laid in return. I just think they are far and few between.
If you want to screen out men looking for sex, it’s quite simple to do so. Just put in your profile description that you are adamant about not hooking up with your hosts and CS is not a dating site for you. Or you can just lie and mention having a boyfriend or fiancee on your profile. Any guys looking for quick sex will skip your profile and look for more receptive women.
And if that doesn’t work, then there’s nothing stopping women from making a female-only couch hosting site.
As long as young single men and women are thrown into close quarters sex or attempted sex is going to happen and there’s just no getting around that. That’s what nature built us to do.
I have found this post by googling “having sex with couchsurfing”. so i must say you have a point here.I think it should be ok as long as there is no force. and it shouldn’t be asked to everyone. I think you can only ask to someone who you think he/she also wants it. And there is something makes this situation funny for me, I never heard of a sex story in my real life which happened after “asking for sex” : ) it looks so unlikely and weird. I also want to tell why i searched “having sex with couchsurfing”. because I also heard from some friends that CS is getting popular for some people who think this web site is an easy way of having sex. And also when introducing hosts from opposite sex to people who don’t know what CS is, they sometimes think this is like dating website. And here i am, wondered if this kind of things are really happening.
I am someone who has a lot of CS experiences. Only for one person, the situation went to a romantic thing and with ending up in the same bed. All of the other times it was real CSing. So it happens but it shouldn’t happen like planning sex with someone you haven’t met before.
I think you should cleary write a reference for people who asked you if you want to have sex with them. I think you own this to other good members.
I’ve got to agree with Agness here. Traveling solo as a female can be a bit scary sometimes. So for the host to hint at sex or ask for it outright is inappropriate and not very cool. I’m already in an unfamiliar place by myself, in a complete stranger’s home,… The last thing I want is to feel pressured or guilted into sex because its been put on the table. If sex is in the cards, things will work that way naturally.
I grasped the general meaning of this post and agreed with most of it. I have friends who couch surf and I’ve tried to set up couch surfing dates to travel… It is amazing for those who use it appropriately. It often seems much easier to find male hosts on couch surfing than female ones. What is really amusing to me is that while I often get responses when I don’t mention my husband, as soon as I mention trying to find a host for the two of us rarely- if ever- gets a response and never once a positive one yet.
I recommend that people couch surf with another person- close friend or significant other purely for protection purposes. There is never a guarantee that your host is who they say they are. There is likewise never a guarantee that you are who you say you are. Meet in public places, and set up more than one place as a fall back.
hey! yes, I had this situation in NY while looking for a couch, one guy who had really a lot of references and good ones accepted my request but he said this days there was his french girlfriend staying with him in the apartment and she is like bicurious and likes to sleep naked and actually most other surfers they had simply LOVED them so he just tells me so that it won’t be uncomfortable for me when I come(!) O Dio, what had happened to this site.. I remember my travels in 2010, no one in CS wrote me like that. But the good think is that there are still more normal travelers than those who are looking for couchadventures (at least I hope that). HOped you like Poland! greetings!:)
Some guys go out prowling for “sexsurfing” and don’t even bother waiting for a guest. There’s a website for that…http://misunderstoodmsg.tumblr.com/
“I prefer to hang out with guys to be honest because they normally are funnier, they don’t argue over stupid stuff and I often learn a lot from them especially when it comes to travels. I’m not into shopping and gossiping that much so didn’t take female hosts into consideration.”
My gosh thats very sexist.
I completely agree that sleazy guys are something to watch out for. I couchsurfed a bit with a female friend while backpacking for the last year and had some amazing hosts both male and female. It wouldn’t have been the same trip without them. At the same time my inbox is full of suggestive messages and invites from random guys and if I was solo then Id prefer a female to a male host in case of an awkward come on by the guy.
Im glad you met some great female hosts to help combat your incredibly sexist attitude. I’ve learned so much from the many intelligent and witty female travelers (and guys too of course) I’ve met along the way. If you haven’t its probably because us interesting and funny ladies avoid people with your attitude like the plague- ‘I prefer to hang out with guys cause they’re more intelligent and funny and girls only like shopping and gossip, except me I’m superior and almost as cool as a guy…..’
Also there’s nothing wrong with waiting but some girls have casual sex with hosts just for funsies not because they have weak personalities, ladies enjoy sex too it’s not just for making babies!
Good luck traveling, hope you meet some better cs hosts, they are out there!
The girls are more pushy than guys? That sounds like a dream come true. If they are both looking for a one night stand, I don’t see any problem with that. But I fully understand that it must be uncomfortable to get sex invitations when you are not interested. If I’m travelling and is able to find a female host (I don’t host myself, neither males or females), my main purpose is to meet people. If I’m alone with the host or with other surfers is irrelevant. I will only have sex with her if we both find each other attractive and she is the one who makes the move. If it happens, that great. If it’s not, I’m not disappointed as I don’t have any illusions. The only thing that will leave me disappointed is if the host is bad company (and I hope I will never be seen as a bad guest).
But I wouldn’t know, because I only decided to try couchsurfing for the first time last year. After sending requests to a countless number of hosts, I was finally able to find one a male who was willing to host me. Most of the females didn’t even bother to reply, even if I was polite and all that. I did get an invitation from a gay man (he only accepted male surfers, had a shared bedroom and not for more than one or two nights), which was only some dots, so I have no idea what he meant, and I wasn’t interested anyway. Then I was lucky enough to find someone from my own country, but after checking his references, I was clear he only hosted young boys in their late teens or early twenties. For a reason, I guess. As for the host I was staying with, he asked me if I wanted to do him a favor and go out and buy some food for us. Since he had opened his home for me, I didn’t mind doing something in return. He then said something about eating, I don’t remember exactly what, and ended his sentence by mumbling “and then you can eat me”. I just pretended that I didn’t hear it, and nothing more suspicious happened.
I heard about this concept and website a few years ago. It was only recent that I joined the movement, but your insight that it is no longer about traveling makes sense.
These groups seem more like social clicks and posses with the same crab mentality. I’ve been told by a moderator that something is wrong with me, because I don’t want to get involved in the CS moderator organized meet-ups. I’ve been told I lack ‘couch surfing spirit and pride’, and I shouldn’t be in this community anymore.
The moderator never met me before, has never got to know me or my experiences in the area.
I’ve also gotten a lot of messages from foreigner asking for money in exchange for travel services or even gay sex.
I go on here to meet others individually or find foreign travellers to share stories, coffee and learn about their experiences. It seems there are two groups of expats on this site:
1. The world globe trotters that go everywhere and experience everything (me) without influence of what CS events box people into…
or
2. The one’s that sit with the same environment, social dynamics and like mindedness of their hometown and country.
It seems more like a popularity contest of a “be there or be square” deal.
I have met some awesome people on here within 2 weeks, but they’re separate from the CS meet-up bubbles.
I am an active member of SF and have couchsurfed both solo and with another friend.
I am all for open-mindedness and open, honest communication. But some people’s comments here that “it is okay for them to ask for sex and you can just say no” are mind boggling. If there is attraction, then expressing it non-aggressively and assessing the other person’s response and going from there is completely fine. But asking for sex when the guest has not expressed any interest is, in my personal opinion, *not* okay. Whether people accept this or not, due to the possibility for rape a woman is *always* in a vulnerable position and, as a woman, if my host asked for sex (verbally or non-verbally), even if he accepted my rejection without any further insistence I would feel extremely uncomfortable spending the night there, for fear that he would try to rape me. The fact that we don’t hear about CS rapes does not mean they do not happen. They happen in hostels and they happen among SFers. They may be a rare occurrence, but the frequency of such rapes is not important, unless you are okay with being the “exception”.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1205794/Rape-horror-tourist-used-couchsurfing-website-aimed-travellers.html
Well, Agness, I don’t find it funny either… if some people have to downplay the whole issur, so be it. Even one of my friends goes “sexsurfing”, and to him it’s totally ok. What I don’t like is getting requests from single males, no references, no friends, no cs experience, but obviously online every day (I assume scouring female profiles)… and I’m getting those requests every few months though our profile is a FAMILY profile. My boyfriend, our son and me. Yeah. That makes a correlation between being horny and not being able to read. Those requests are not explicit to the point, but read between the lines, it comes out that they want to meet me, no mention of my family members and they are shady in what our meeting is to be about. If I refuse kindly, they keep on pushing until I write “NO” in a scream. As I said, not so funny. I had nice couchsurfers overs, girls as well as couples, but I’m extra-careful with single males… I totally understand your concern and yes, I agree, if you don’t pay attention to who you’re staying with, it can be dangerous. There were cases of girls being raped by CS hosts and whoever says differently is blind to truths that might happen. I don#t say they will. But there are weird people in this world and it’s good to keep both eyes open.
Ok I’ve been following this thread for a long while now and commented above a while back.
Here’s the thing…people like sex. It’s natural.
I’m an avid couchsurfer (single male) and CS all the time. With men, with women, with couples, with whomever. I love CSing and its community and staying with locals, experiencing the culture and people and sharing great experiences.
I’ve had multiple sexual encounters while CSing. NEVER have I gone CSing to expect anything more than just staying with someone and having a good time, no matter who it is.
But sometimes a female CSer and I will get along, like each other, become attracted to one-another, and take it a bit further. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s natural and it happens. But it’s never expected or forced or even implied.
I don’t care if I stay with a male or female because the expectation is that we just share our stories and have fun together.
You can’t down CSing as a whole because some assholes decide that they want to use it as a tool for sex. It’s like saying all bars are rubbish because some guys go there to pick up women. I get it, CSing is more intimate than that because you’re inviting then into your home. Meet them first, grab a coffee or beer before going into their home or letting them into yours. Get the vibes; we humans are really good at sensing a person’s intentions and getting gut feelings about people.
Most Couchsurfers are good people. My experience is 98% good, at least.
Sort out the assholes and don’t be afraid to write negative reviews if you’ve had a negative experience. If you don’t write a review of someone you’re doing others a disservice.
And if someone comes onto you and you reject and they stop advancing, that doesn’t mean s/he’s a bad person, it means they were attracted to you and you weren’t to them. It’s no different to normal life. Chances are they’re embarrassed and they’ll never do it again. If they persist or insist, that’s when you should take it to the next level.
CSing to me is an amazing medium to meet great new people and share each other’s cultures. Sometimes we “click” and can go further, but it’s never expected. I’ve been incredibly attracted to some of my hosts and guests but don’t mention it if there are no reciprocal vibes.
The dickheads that push it are the same desperate guys that are out in “da club” trying it on with every woman he can talk to. Again, look at their profile, look at reviews, and meet them before you surf or host.
This is a great discussion going , Thanks Agnes for lighting the important topic, after reading you all I also want to speak , I swear i am against sex surfing or all bullshit stuff which happens under the name of couchsurfing, but the way you all are discussing it shows Sex is Taboo. I believe you all are quiet mature & smart in your own way , Couch surfing is great concept which is accepted worldwide,These days some people doesnt know the meaning CS , they are just making their account and thinking as a social networking sight, Which is a much bigger issue, This topic has a mix meaning sweet & salty. I hope you will not stop using couchsurfing.
Hi everyone,
If you dont feel confortable will leaving bad feecback (but you should) you can always go to the safety department and make your complain there.
Well…it’s a shame…but nowadays…it’s not so rare…
Me and another fella called it “cocksurfing”…
And i love CS but i can’t stand when guys just want to host girls.
It’s so obvious…
it seems people has a lot to say about this argument! Ok, sorry, I had no time to read all the comments, so probably what I’m saying it was just said by someone else, but I give my 2 cents to the discussion (trying to be short):
I underline two important things you said: 1. On CS happens what happens to the world, it’s not a better world, just a part of it; 2. There is a “viceversa”, that means that obviously if many guys (expecially guys, come on, let’s be honest!) use the site to hunt girls, it’s cause there is positive response on this hunt. This shows a sort specific global needs.
I add to your consideration one more thing: some time ago CS is changed in its basis, as you know, and now it is no more No Profit, but it’s a B-Corporation. This gives a significant new, the society needs to earn money! And to earn money they need people join CS. And to let the largest part of people join CS, they don’t care to use any means, even turn CS into something much more similar to a dating site, that is much more profitable (sex is a big business!).
So recently the community grew without control. If I put my couch status available, I can receive hundreds of request per day of completely empty profile (ok, I’m also from Rome, it’s a quite requested city!). The situation is this, too many people that neither know where they are.
What I think is that CS is not for everyone. It shouldn’t be. It has is specific meaning, and its own philosophy. This doesn’t mean that I’m better than someone else just cause I join that spirit, just that we are different, there are people that likes to sleep in a tent, other in tree houses, someone likes the nature and staying alone and traveling just to isolate itself from the chaos of the city, someone else likes staying into the crowd, meeting people and doing partys. So, thinking a community that can join the largest part of people in the world, it’s unnatural. We are not all the same, we are different.
sorry, my plan to be short failed miserably :)
A claim: “If many guys (especially guys, come on, let’s be honest!) use the site to hunt girls, it’s cause there is positive response on this hunt.”
That is a very wrong conclusion. One of the reason why many use couchsurfing as a way to get laid, is because they are desperate and are willing to try everything. Take a look at the personal ads and sex ads on the net. You will find millions of ads from males looking for males. Do you think they will get a reply? They write and post them because they have hopes and illusions, not because it works. More than 99% will not even get a reply.
Agnes,
You can couchsurf at mine.
But I’ll have to charge you at least $1,000 for sex.
Deal?