I have been planning to write this post for weeks but my hectic schedule at the kindergarten has not let me. This weekend I decided to be strict with myself and find some time to finally sit and write what I have been trying to say about my
Before I start, let me explain what couchsurfing is for those who have never heard of it before.
What is Couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing has been created by Casey Fenton – an American who set up a web portal that offers its users hospitality exchange (you can host travelers or get hosted when traveling) and social networking services (helping each other with travel issues). The idea is very simple and the portal couchsurfing.org is getting bigger and bigger each day with more than one million registered users from more than 70.000 cities.
It’s free of charge and easy to set up. You just need to fill in some personal information, add some photos and get references to look more reliable. You can also get verified to show other members you are who you are saying you are.
Why couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing is a great way of exploring places on a budget without spending a lot of money on accommodation. Moreover, you can meet amazing people who can look after you and show you around the city. It’s a great alternative for solo travelers not to feel lonely or for those who are looking for new friendship and fun.
On the Couch is the story of Fleur Britten’s adventure staying on the couches of strangers abroad. If you’re thinking about couch surfing this is definitely a must-read – it’ll open your eyes to what you could expect. You can get the book here.
For me,
Is it safe?
In today’s world, nothing’s safe. Let’s face it. Same applies to
Couchsurfing vs. Sexsurfing
It’s getting more and more popular that girls pick up boys as their hosts and vice versa. Why? For some, it’s just someone who seems nice, but for others, there are more chances to have “no strings attached” free sex. I have heard of it before but never thought it might have been a true statement. As it turns out, it is. What’s even worse, it sounds so obvious to some people. Let me explain that on my example without mentioning any names. In total, I was hosted by 5 guys and 3 girls during my whole European backpacking. I was asked to have sex twice and 2 people were saying they were hoping to have sex before I had arrived and only one person did not mention anything about that.
I was shocked when I found out that some guys accept couchsurfing requests mostly from Slavic girls thinking they are easy to have sex with. I was even more surprised when I found out that a lot of girls are looking for one night stand as a part of their unforgettable couchsurfing experience.
I might sound like a 80-year-old granny right now, but I openly say NO to that. For me traveling is about seeing new places and not about having sex with random guys.
I sometimes felt uncomfortable with my hosts saying “The door to my bedroom is open all night”! When it happened once I was laughing and taking it as a joke, but it happened more than once. For me it’s simply inappropriate. I might be old-fashioned but for me it takes some time to open up to someone and gaining my trust is not that easy. I must be in love or at least feel a strong connection with the person I am going to sleep with.
The first time I came across Sexsurfing was in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I’ve heard some stories from local boys who hosted girls from all around the world and they slept with more than 3/4 of them. The guys were surprised of how easy it was to do that. I remember one guy saying “White girls are so easy and hot!” I thought they were joking but as it turns out girls are often more pushy than guys when it comes to sex.
The main reason for me for choosing male hosts were my personal preferences. I prefer to hang out with guys to be honest because they normally are funnier, they don’t argue over stupid stuff and I often learn a lot from them especially when it comes to travels. I’m not into shopping and gossiping that much so didn’t take female hosts into consideration. It was my mistake. As it turned out, I had a wonderful time with my Taiwanese girls in Prague and we still keep in touch, whereas some of my male hosts don’t even reply to my messages on Facebook (after I turned them down).
What shocks me the most is not the fact that a couchsurfer and a host might end up in a bed together, but the fact people use this portal to hunt girls for free sex and vice versa. I am now thinking of how many girls may not have a strong personality to refuse…
Getting a hotel room or hostel bed could be a better option if you’re not very good in saying no when you feel that way.
How about you? Do you agree? Have you had any Couchsurfing/Sexsurfing experience when traveling? Share your thoughts in comments.
I am really curious of what you might think and thank you in advance!
446 thoughts on “Couchsurfing or Sexsurfing? What is the Difference Nowadays?”
Hey !
I’ve been couchsurfing for a few years now, and as a solo couchsurfing girl around the world, this topic has been an issue a couple of times.
I’d like to share one tip that I’ve found very useful when I stay alone with a male host. During friendly conversation I tell my host “the story about a girl I know who couchsurfed with a guy, and it turned out as a bad experience, because he was only interested in sex.” When I tell them how wrong I think this is, I avoid any unwanted sexual approach that could have occured.
Keep up the writing :)
Loved your article on surfing as it explains surfing as it should be a way to spend time with locals and learn about what life is really like.
It saddens me that such a wonderful concept can be ruined by this.
We have hosted many surfers of all ages and have not heard of anything like this happening but do notice young girls on csing here in Australia putting themselves out there and often putting themselves at risk.
We are heading off travelling soon. I doubt it will be an issue for me being slightly older (:-)) and married but hope this does not stop others looking to experience Csing
Hey Agness,
someone posted this blog link into CS and I commented there so I guess I should post it here too, there you go:
“Well she has a point… nevertheless everyone is entitled to do as they please as long as it is with respect. I don’t consider asking someone if they wanna have sex polite… I onsider that as a forever alone kind of question…
Some guys can really make you fell unconfortable. That is awful and defeates the whole couchsurfing spirit. But if the cirmumstances turn themselves natually into a one night stand or a long term relationship while you’re living the couchsurfing experience… There’s nothing wrong with that… that’s life itslef.”
Cheers!
Girls use CS for sex, too. You just have to be a good-looking guy, have your own place, seem normal and have a job. Don’t be desperate and don’t try to have sex with every surfer. Host a good range of people, not just girls and not just good-looking girls. Go slowly and not look like you’re using it for sex. It helps to go out with friends too so she knows that you’re normal. And don’t be upset if she doesn’t want to stay in touch and you feel used. Girls generally should be more careful when hosting, because guys can lie about things to get with girls. Many girls surf with guys, but don’t host guys. And as a guy, you need to take your age and your looks into consideration.
I was a shy, naive, good-looking guy and I thought that couchsurfing was just for making friends. But after a while I looked more closely at the reviews that were on some profiles. I realized that if I hadn’t been shy I could have gotten with some girls that I was surfing with. It was just a matter of letting the girls know I was interested (and I was sometimes), and asking them if they were interested. I didn’t know anything about women back then. It feels like I missed out on not only couchsurfing, but all dating by being too shy while everybody else was having these dating experiences. Sex doesn’t have to be a dirty thing that makes guys who seek it dirty and girls who are looking for it sluts. I think that if you are a guy and girl, it’s it can be good to have a discussion about intentions and whether it’s a date or not.
I think this way of thinking is appropriate for “dating websites”, not by CSA developed for sharing the culture of your country and your home for a night or two. Couch surfing idea/program was not set for this kind of connection. There are many other ways on Internet to do so. Keep CS clean and safe. Happy travels.
Hello im meber of couchsurfing since 2009 and i hosted several times. I just found this article and i have to say in some point im agree with you. It happened to me, with some girls i hosted i had sex, but i never planned to host somebody for sex, it just happen, and i though about why it happen and i saw its kind of often to a lot of people.
The thing is when you are looking for somebody to host you as you said you feel more confortable with guys, also i imagine you read their profile and i dont think you are going to pick up one that doesnt have the similar interest than you, music, movies and all that things, and is normal that people have sex then, you already are choosing somebody that share the similar things with you, is worng that guys or girls just host people for sex, but i dont see the wrong part cos you are choosing somebody that you liked in some way.
It is impossible that these things not happen. That´s the disadvantage or risk for some or the advantage and an appealing thing for others of couchsurfing. Normal people has sexual energy is a fact, women and men. We have to be mature and intelligent to deal with these things. Unfortunately many people who couchsurf are teenagers who are immature.
I think the problem is more a generic one, and that it relates to the way a lot of people live there lives nowadays. In general I try every day to think about what I can do to make a possitive impact to the word, friends and family, when I can help and make a difference. A lot of people also does that. However there is a growing amount of WIIFM (Whats in it for me) people, that don’t care mutch about other then themselves. Someone just stole my labtop today and last year my car got stolen. However not trusting anyone anymore is not the solution. Would the world not be a nice place to be in, if all people just cared about each other, rather then only there own needs?
I never encountered any sex in my hundred couches. Maybe I need a new hairstyle or something.
I have made similar experiences like you girl. In my case it was a homosexual (I am hetero) asking me to sleep with him for one night. He even started jerking in front of me and I was thinking of leaving his place or punch straight in his face :P
I think there are many gay hosts who only host nice males to get to know them because I made a similar experince in South America too.
But anyway CS is a great opportunity to get to know different places, people and opinions :)
i think people in this forum are trying to destroy couchsurfing,i see many lies,bullshit,there is many problems in couchsurfing but the fault is not from couchsurfing but from a world social quite pig and liars,just blabla
i have a profil ,dont have nay comments ,not even experience,had try with simple request of a simple couch,all the time excuses are sent to me,sometimes some awackward suggestions from girls that would love to make up with me or i got even once a fuck off,when i simply request some couch or a drink out
i will ask to u guys,which place outside websites would u be free for sex activity because i see u dont like using net?school?work?street?bars?but that was supposed to be for other things?
would u ban pornography in your country?i would!
i remenber u guys how hospitality club is dying or already dead,but was very practical,only one photo allowed,couchsurfing looks like a modelling profils,soemtimes even telephone number as many couchsurfers dont even read the message
Since the discussion generally contains a clear guy bias here, I think I should give some revelations here from the other side of the medallion. I have been hosted by many girls offering the same thing more in an indirect way (walking around in bathrobes all day long, changing undies before me, offering me drugs and their bed, hosting without offering a couch etc.) But this does not necessarily bring anything new into the picture. If it makes sense do it.. if not f.ck it. I agree with the Chris here. What’s the big deal? You can decide it for yourself after all. Unless there is some sort of pressure or force these topics are hardly worth mentioning.
Although I completly agree that guys who host only to get laid are gross, I think that you’re beeing a bit to harsh for the people who just, well, have sex during couchsurfing. We’re all adults, and if both parties want to have non-strings attached sex, that’s nothing wrong about it. I guess that it’s good to discuss it before arrival: “Don’t be prepared for any romance” or something, just to be clear.
I was planning to stay with a CS host in San Sebastian, Spain, for a few days. His profile said that he was 33 and he had some decent references (later I looked closer and they were mostly from 20 year old girls). We arranged to meet by the main beach, and I saw someone walking toward me who slightly resembled the guy from the website pictures, but looked about 15 years older. Sure enough, it was him. Just to make sure I wasn´t just being a poor judge of age, I asked him how long he had been hosting CSers. He sheepishly told me that he had been hosting people for over 20 years!! Between that and his general creepy vibe, I apologized and told him that since there were some indiscrepancies with his story, I felt a bit uncomfortable. With that, he replied with an ´´ok´´ and walked away. I even gave him the chance to explain himself. Later that evening, he blasted me, giving me an incredibly negative review on the website. The next day, he blasted me even more, updating the review. What a creep.
On another note, there was a guy who offered to host me in Barcelona. He was a little toooo adamant about trying to convince me to stay with him, writing me paragraph after paragraph in repeated messages about everything that he will show me in the city, and I eventually decided to stay somewhere else. He, too, wrote a nasty review about me a week after I told him I had made other plans. Ultimately, I have suspended my page, as the reviews are both embarrassing and a poor representation of who I am (I met one of the guys for 5 minutes and never met the other one).
Both of these encounters were after I had put a picture of my boyfriend and me together on the website with the caption ´´My love´´ and even wrote that I do not consider the site to be a dating site in my profile. I´ve had a few good CS encounters as well, but it is so sad that girls have to be so careful when we choosing hosts.
Admittedly, I’m an older person, but I have not had any of this type of experience; people I’ve surfed with have been incredibly kind (I’ve surfed solo, also surfed with my adult daughter, and with my husband). We host a lot as well, a wide mix of people.
I would never, ever, no matter how attractive the person, consider hitting on a guest or a host. That is just plain creepy and downright rude. It compromises the guest/host relationship.
Having someone you are staying with (or a guest staying with you) make a clumsy pass could come across as coercive, and that’s where the problem lies. It can be scary to deal with that in a non-neutral space.
Interesting post Agness, but I would suggest in future that you don’t stay with boys if you don’t want to be propositioned! Hang out with them by all means – you can meet with people through CS very easily – but stay with a girl (shouldn’t that be obvious?). I’m a male, but if I was a female there is no way I’d stay with a guy unless I met him beforehand and clicked with him, and a) wanted to return his affection or b) he was gay.
The whole life on the road, hooking up with strangers is a romantic ideal that appeals to some people and if you’re not one of them don’t put yourself in a situation where somebody might ask you for sex. It seems extremely obvious to me as a male. I think you’re just a tad naive.
Also, is it really that shocking that guys and gals try to hook up with their hosts/guests? I’d actually be shocked if it was the reverse. Perhaps you should stay with mormons next time? I’m quite dubious as to the authenticity of some of the above posts. Trying to get laid is just one of those things that young people do and OBVIOUSLY couchsurfing is just one of the many ways in which to do this.
And yes you do sound like a bit of an 80 year old woman. Only having sex with people you’re in love with? It seems just a tad prudish in this day and age.
I think the whole idea of staying with somebody, having a great time with them and then having great sex with them is beautiful as I imagine a lot of self-respecting and open-minded people would do.
The one thing I do agree with is that hosts and guests should be respectful if they’re affection is not requited. Aside from that I think you’re fairly off the mark as are the other prudish responses, with the exception of one or two. ;)
Kind of pathetic that someone would ASK for sex. How many times has one been asked for sex and then given it (besides prostitution). Naturally speaking sex occurs as a result of an escalation of positive events and of responses to positive stimuli whether emotional, mental or physical. “Do you want to have sex?” or “My bedroom is open all night” is just lame at best and would fail to stimulate just about any female on the planet whether normal or not. Who does that? Either you have caused each other to want to have sex or you haven’t. You will know. Their is no need to ask. If you have to ask the answer is a resounding “HELL NO!”. Wake up pervs!
Agness,
I partly agree with your post. A lot of people on CS seem to use it as a way to find sex – which becomes a huge problem when they impose themselves on someone who’s not interested.
Still, I feel your post (like so many on the “idealistic” world of Couchsurfing) is somewhat naive and addresses only part of a wider issue, neatly summed up as follows:
“If you’re not paying for it, you’re the product”
(the opposite problem, for the host, is: “People don’t value what they get for free”)
Staying at someone’s place for free, without being expected to do anything in return? It sounds too good to be true – and it is. People do want (avoiding the word: expect) something in return – good company, interesting stories from exotic countries, new friends, sex. Or all of the above.
Now, the point is this. Realize that people want something. Next time, before you go and stay with them, find out what it is! If it’s more than you’re willing to give, then find another host. Or fork out the cash and find yourself a nice hotel, hostel or BnB. That way, you know the product, and you know its price.
Happy travels.
Johnny
PS I’ve hosted quite a few people. With some, I’ve had really interesting conversations. With others, I visited parties, museums, and nice little bars. And yes, with some, I have had sex. Always consensual, never pushed. Just by reading each others’ signs and through natural chemistry.
PPS People (ab)use each other all the time in the CS community. Not the least is surfers just looking for a free couch, not interested in spending time with the host at all. Hosts using guests to get positive reviews. Surfers coming in very late the first night before they have a key, while the host has to work the next day. Or coming in drunk / high with pot.
I’ve surfed and hosted people on CS and have only had good experiences. It’s unfortunate that you’ve had incidents where there were strings attached. I hope you left negative reviews on their accounts so other people don’t have the same experiences.
CS shouldn’t be brushed off though. Healthy criticism is good but (in my opinion) it really should be directed at the users, not the platform. It’s sort of like the Chicago ‘El. Great service, gets you where you want to go, you can meet a lot of cool people (hell, maybe even a soul mate! but of course, you’re always going to come across a few weirdos or guys given themselves some ‘private time’ in the back of the car.) The rating and the review section, if taken seriously, is a great way to make sure you stay safe.
Anyway, good luck on your future travels!
Hello,
First of all, let’s not forget we’re humans, let’s accept sexual attraction exist in all of us… At school, at work, at the clubs, everywhere… Why should it be different with couchsurfing?. If you couchsurf alone, you’re fairly attractive and more than 2 or 3 single male guys offer you accomodation without you even asking them personally… Well, let’s not be naive, shall we???. It’s not a coincidence!!!. Having said that… it’s all common sense… Just read the references!!!, they don’t have to be necessarily negative to understand there is something off about that host.
I’ve couchsurfed in NY. I was hosted by the 2 different girls. The thought of sex never crossed my mind. I was too excited to be in NYC and supergrateful for the sheer generosity of the act of hosting a total stranger.
I’ve been an active couchsurfer for quite sometime. I’ve hosted a lot people. Never had sex, never proposed sex to anyone. There was no sex in the atmosphere, but if there had been some sort of sexual tension…. What’s wrong with some mutually agreed sexual satisfaction… Sorry, but your original post reeks of puritanism. And If you really felt in some way harrased, write the review. It’s a free world (at least the internet is)
hi , I read your post . but this section of your writing shocked me :
“the fact people use this portal to hunt girls for free sex and vice versa”
you mentioned “free sex” ! I am wondering why you think people should pay for sex ?! . sex must be free . when two consent adults having sex it means girls and guys both enjoy it ! you must ask yourself otherwise , that is why the hell there is poor prostitutes and the guys who must pay for those prostitutes for sex ?!