I have been planning to write this post for weeks but my hectic schedule at the kindergarten has not let me. This weekend I decided to be strict with myself and find some time to finally sit and write what I have been trying to say about my
Before I start, let me explain what couchsurfing is for those who have never heard of it before.
What is Couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing has been created by Casey Fenton – an American who set up a web portal that offers its users hospitality exchange (you can host travelers or get hosted when traveling) and social networking services (helping each other with travel issues). The idea is very simple and the portal couchsurfing.org is getting bigger and bigger each day with more than one million registered users from more than 70.000 cities.
It’s free of charge and easy to set up. You just need to fill in some personal information, add some photos and get references to look more reliable. You can also get verified to show other members you are who you are saying you are.
Why couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing is a great way of exploring places on a budget without spending a lot of money on accommodation. Moreover, you can meet amazing people who can look after you and show you around the city. It’s a great alternative for solo travelers not to feel lonely or for those who are looking for new friendship and fun.
On the Couch is the story of Fleur Britten’s adventure staying on the couches of strangers abroad. If you’re thinking about couch surfing this is definitely a must-read – it’ll open your eyes to what you could expect. You can get the book here.
For me,
Is it safe?
In today’s world, nothing’s safe. Let’s face it. Same applies to
Couchsurfing vs. Sexsurfing
It’s getting more and more popular that girls pick up boys as their hosts and vice versa. Why? For some, it’s just someone who seems nice, but for others, there are more chances to have “no strings attached” free sex. I have heard of it before but never thought it might have been a true statement. As it turns out, it is. What’s even worse, it sounds so obvious to some people. Let me explain that on my example without mentioning any names. In total, I was hosted by 5 guys and 3 girls during my whole European backpacking. I was asked to have sex twice and 2 people were saying they were hoping to have sex before I had arrived and only one person did not mention anything about that.
I was shocked when I found out that some guys accept couchsurfing requests mostly from Slavic girls thinking they are easy to have sex with. I was even more surprised when I found out that a lot of girls are looking for one night stand as a part of their unforgettable couchsurfing experience.
I might sound like a 80-year-old granny right now, but I openly say NO to that. For me traveling is about seeing new places and not about having sex with random guys.
I sometimes felt uncomfortable with my hosts saying “The door to my bedroom is open all night”! When it happened once I was laughing and taking it as a joke, but it happened more than once. For me it’s simply inappropriate. I might be old-fashioned but for me it takes some time to open up to someone and gaining my trust is not that easy. I must be in love or at least feel a strong connection with the person I am going to sleep with.
The first time I came across Sexsurfing was in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I’ve heard some stories from local boys who hosted girls from all around the world and they slept with more than 3/4 of them. The guys were surprised of how easy it was to do that. I remember one guy saying “White girls are so easy and hot!” I thought they were joking but as it turns out girls are often more pushy than guys when it comes to sex.
The main reason for me for choosing male hosts were my personal preferences. I prefer to hang out with guys to be honest because they normally are funnier, they don’t argue over stupid stuff and I often learn a lot from them especially when it comes to travels. I’m not into shopping and gossiping that much so didn’t take female hosts into consideration. It was my mistake. As it turned out, I had a wonderful time with my Taiwanese girls in Prague and we still keep in touch, whereas some of my male hosts don’t even reply to my messages on Facebook (after I turned them down).
What shocks me the most is not the fact that a couchsurfer and a host might end up in a bed together, but the fact people use this portal to hunt girls for free sex and vice versa. I am now thinking of how many girls may not have a strong personality to refuse…
Getting a hotel room or hostel bed could be a better option if you’re not very good in saying no when you feel that way.
How about you? Do you agree? Have you had any Couchsurfing/Sexsurfing experience when traveling? Share your thoughts in comments.
I am really curious of what you might think and thank you in advance!
446 thoughts on “Couchsurfing or Sexsurfing? What is the Difference Nowadays?”
Oh the arrogance of young beautiful women. They’re 22 years old thinking they know everything and that they’re super interesting to be around. Sadly they couldn’t be more wrong.
Altruism does not exist. If someone opens their house for you they want something in return. If I open my house to a male engineer I want some interesting conversations of engineering out of his stay. If I open my house to a priest I want some interesting conversations about theology. If I open my house to an uninteresting beautiful woman with no education to speak of…well you guess what I want…And it aint shopping advice or her personal problems.
It aint fkn rocket science.
Hi Agness, guess what?? I have joined couchsurf just now… as I am a techyy so scam was the first thing came to my mind after joining the website. I appreciate your post so much.
Thanks for such good advice.
Hi everybody,
first thanks for this article, Agness, I should have read it before my first guest-experience , though as I checked and double checked …
Very interesting comments. And obviously some confusion:
– There is nothing wrong about sex between adults with informed consent at both sides.
– There is nothing wrong with expressing ones’s interest in a decent and polite way.
– If someone is nice before he got turned down, and then ignores you, he’s never been nice, but calculating and manipulating! And this has nothing to do with a decent and polite request/offer. Nor with the idea of Couchsurfing, which is to share without expectations (still I personally think, a little gift or help or cooking, doing the dishes or alike is always a fine way to say thank you).
– When someone reacts angry or ignoring after having been turned down, it IS a potentially dangerous situation. And there is much reason to make “fuss” about it!
– Even more so, when someone is using lies, pressure or manipulation it is not only wrong, but dangerous, cause it shows about his character.
– If a women makes an experience as Agness described and only writes in such a blog about it, but not in a negative/neutral reference, she only went half way – and indeed is part of the problem, because she preserves danger potentials for other women.
– Instead of writing here: “I have not left any negative feedbacks on any of my hosts’ profiles. Why? Because I’m grateful for their help. I also don’t give names in my article, because when I said no they backed up. I have not felt threatened and I’m sure that other people will benefit from meeting the hosts I have stayed with. It’s the overall trend, based on majority of my surfing experiences that I’m worried about.” you could – and should – have written references like: “I would have like to give a positive reference, because … [all good points] and because I am grateful for his hospitality in general, and I am sure that other people will benefit from meeting the host, but I want to be honest and give you the possibility to decide for yourself, so I have to mention, that he asked me for sex and ignored me after I made clear that I am not interested. He accepted my No, and I did not felt threatened, still I am worried about this and I think it is out of place.”
– Yes, CS is part of the society and looking for a sex partner in a bar or in someone’s flat is a BIG difference, cause it is a potentially dangerous situation from the very start, whereas if you are asked for your number or your company in a bar, you are still in public space.
This host had more than 50 good references from man and women. I checked and double checked. I was as cautious as one could be. After my host threatened to write that I was ungrateful after what he did, if I would leave a negative reference, I am wondering how many women got such an sms from him (or other men like him).
The effect is, that I don’t trust positive references as I would like to. Even from women. Agness, you are one reason for that, too, by not having written the whole picture about them in your references :-( At least this blog post incited a necessary discussion. Thank you for that!
Still I do believe in the idea of Couchsurfing and I just stubborn and idealistic in wanting humanity to be good! :-)
And thank God my next experience, I’ve chosen deliberately a family, was really good – and I am proud to have taken a second chance. I did not want to leave myself with this shock (that has affected my health for weeks!!!)
Be cautious! And think about the reactions you provoke on the long run with your behaviour! (The probability that I’d stay with a male CS, especially in certain countries, sank immensely, so even those who might have been a good – even sexual – host/guest-match to me, will not get to know me due to this experience.)
Have a good 2016 and take care!
Olga
I completely agree with you. A few weeks ago, it was my first experience couchsurfing and I thought it would be alright since I was travelling with my boyfriend. However, even though I had written that I was looking for a place to stay that would allow couples on the couchsurfing posts, I got at least 5 messages a day from many men saying that I could only stay with them if I was on my own. Some of them suggested for us to stay at different places for the “experience.”
Since many of the offers I got were useless, my boyfriend found a couple of places we could stay together.
However, when we arrived at the first couchsurfer’s place, he was very rude to my boyfriend and was overly kind and touchy towards me. We didn’t have any other option at that time so we put up with this situation for a couple of days. On the last day, he started telling me that I was attractive and that he was looking for girls just like me. He even asked me if I could give him my contact details so that I could introduce some of my friends to him. The creepy part was he was at least 15 years older than me and he seemed pretty desperate, even though he had a huge amount of good references from young girls. He made me feel really uncomfortable and put my boyfriend in an awkward position.
Luckily, we stayed with a lovely guy during our final days who showed us around and offered us a beautiful room to stay in. He had less good references, but was a great guy who didn’t make us feel uncomfortable at all. We were really fortunate and I realised that we were just unlucky the first time. I couldn’t have asked for a better couchsurfing host to stay with, and he really made our trip an amazing one!
Hi
I understand your situations, When I was travelling to India, I got hundreds of requests in a day, and most of them were not talking at all, so made me uncomfortable, and I m a male, and indian women didnt send andy sexual requests, but men did lol
Other than Couchsurfing, I found indians thinking white people are very easy to get them to bed, but… hey, I made really great friends in India too,thankfully there were nice and friendly people, who showed me around, and taught me how to make rotis(I love them)
so Everywhere there are bad and good people
Im so glad I read this post. Today I completed my profile on couch surfing and i started looking for hosts (verified with lots of references) and I found a guy with lots of pictures and lots of references (more than 30) all positive. I would always rather stay with a woman.. but I was like.. lets give it a try. Anyway.. I messaged him and made a request to stay and he said yes.. after that he wrote (I’m quoting):
“Also, I am very open minded, and it happened in the past that I became very close with some of my guests. If you don’t mind the idea, then i’d be happy to host you”
At first I was confused.. Was he asking me if I minded that he had slept with some of his guests or was he telling me he was expecting me to have sex with him?
Both questions are answered YES. I asked him about it lol
I was kind of disappointed but then kinda feel, i don’t know whats the word… grateful? With him being honest before me getting there. What if he didn’t say anything and then I would get there and feel all uncomfortable having to turn him down for sex… what if he kicked me out after that. I don’t know.
After this i will ask every time specifically what are they looking for in return. I don’t have anything to give but my friendship.
Hey Agness, thank you for the post. You are brave and good young women. I can host you if you come to Mongolia. Im on couchsurfing, Angela Anuujin. Only women are allowed. After i read, i dont want to get into that situation. I am more of traditional , like you.
A bit late for this comment. I do have a feeling that some people are looking for sex on Couchsurfing, however when I couchsurfed in South America I didn’t feel that at all, except for one guy but I sensed it from the conversation we had before I arrived (then I decided not to stay with him). No one specifically asked for sex and I made such great friends Couchsurfing who I still talk to! :)
I think it’s a private thing if it comes through couchsurfing to sex. If two people are sympathic to each other and think they are sexy then why not ? Important is that BOTH want it. To force a girl who can’t say no is 100% the wrong way !
lol. Tell me about it. I ‘couchsurfed’ at this guy’s place who kept on insisting that I draw a ‘nude’ portrait of him, and then told me that he wanted me to ‘watch him masterburate’. He was super creepy and disgusting pervert. When I turned him down, he got pissed and starting harassing me along with his roommate. It was a pretty shitty experience overall. I won’t say I hate couchsurfing itself ‘coz of it, but it was definitely is a great lesson that you should ALWAYS listen to your gut feelings, and if something FEELS off, it IS off. I had a bad feeling about the guy from the beginning, despite the ‘good reviews’, and all I want to say it…definitely NEVER IGNORE YOUR GUT FEELINGS, even if it doesn’t make sense in the beginning, it is nonetheless true, and it going to make very good sense later. Use your senses, stay alert and don’t take any shit!
I made my couch surfing account yesterday as I will be moving to conecticut, US this fall for my masters studies and so I was searching for various places where I could able to live affordably or I guess for free(may be )and I came across CS where I found that here we can visit to a strangers house for free and explore that place with there help with warmth and friendliness. At the same time I was wondering how can people take chances to move to a strange country and then start living with strangers. Dont they get afraid and worried about unforeseen bad circumstances it might turn to. I have been researching alot about CS and I came across positive as well as negative reviews but mostly negative and after reading your post I think its not safe to trust with couchsurfers as it is definitely a risk and pose a threat as well to stay with a stranger. I think I probably deacivate my account and find other ways for accomodation. Thanks for your post. What you did was brave and you are truly a women with dignity and honor. No you dont sound like my granny but you should know that you are a virtuously bold soul and I wish you remain at peace always.
Thank You,
Regards
Suraj
As. A extra after you gone I’ve thought of you continually? True ask others I not sure if true LOVE
Can happen without sex but no mater what name one put on
Feelings like,love,admire,even though what ever I have I
Felt complete with u want back and if u have that cool
My feelings whether u have or not are there and I’ve said
Them now you define b out back or ball ? Please come in
Its muchb easy to talk than TeX b???
Its 3 years on ,,, Im just thinking of CS im going to travel form NZ to the UK im on shoestring budget.It is appealing as it allows one to meet people and perhaps stay over in the UK for longer than one could afford. I am frankly shocked that this sort of thing goes on. Not that I would have a problem as I am a plain guy with no illusions of attractiveness.But like you Agness I am a bit old fashioned in attitude and would be pout of there like a shot even if I had to sleep rough for the night.
Hi Agness, good thing for you that you are firm on what you believe when it comes to couchsurfing which is about experience and making friends. I did try that one with a male host but it turns out that before you were able to stay with them you need to have sex. Even they requested for that I refused. Before we engage doing the couchsurfing, compatibility and safety issues are really important for both host and the couchsurfer.
Hello! I think that this topic should really be discussed! I am having many troubles, too. I get TONS of messages of people wanting to go out for a dinner and stuff, some even suggest money for a date.
I usually travel with my boyfriend. It is really hard to find a host – I mention that there are two of us, I guess they don’t even read it – just look at my picture and suggest a stay but then I say again there two of us – and they might even block me or say that they will only host me. I do understand they can decide what they want, but it is really sad so many couchsurfers just wanna have sex and care about nothing more. And it’s only some stuff that happens.
In advane my apologies for long post.
Sorry for the long reply but and this being slightly off-topic, because this is about spontaneous couch-surfing, or rather bed-surfing, but this experience is why I want to start hosting myself because I felt bad.
A month ago or so a friend wanted to celebrate his birthday but his place was no good option, so we had it at my place. We started on saturday, drank a lot of booze, repeated that on sunday, on monday late he left as did most other guests who were still around, but missed his transport (it again was late) and he mentioned to me how bloody cold it was outside while waiting for transport. So he left tuesday morning and I woke up around 7pm. Still slightly drunk. And I finished what was left of the booze.
Tuesday night my doorbell rang around 3 AM and there was a really cute quite drunk girl who asked if she could come inside. She was 18, give or take a few years, I wasn’t sure. And I’m 35 years old.
I asked her why she wanted to come inside and she used a bit more seductive voice which really hit my alarm bells, even while I was far from sober. And in that tone she told me she was looking for a place to sleep.
At that hour my home was probably the only place where the lights were still on, and it was bloody cold outside. I told her no and sent her away, because I didn’t trust myself.
This situation seems like the start of a porn or horror movie and I like both.
But when I sobered up I realized how bad it was to send a young girl into the cold.
If I were sober, I could have invited her in, let her sleep on my bed or couch and ignore her advances. Or pay cash to buy her a taxi home. I was just too freaked out with this situation.
To this day I still regret my choice and hope she didn’t end up with some creep.
I was actually about writing the same post. As for me couchsurfing is the next good idea spoiled by human nature.
two years ago i have been hosting people, mostly somehow couples and we had great cultural exchange.
nowadays i am rying to get couchsurf host in Paris and what i get back.. suggestion for nude photoset, foot massage from some maniac. my only impression from couchsurfing today is WTF?
the latest experience was just ridiculous. I posted the request to the city group. after having around 10 answwers from 40years suspicious guys i stayed at hostel. but there wa an asian guy who suggested to show me the city as he was also ourist but staying there for 2 weeks. we had a nice walk around the city and i have told that i have a boyfriend a few times after what the guys with the hope in his eyes asked if me and my boyfriend have ‘open’ relationships.
buut the thing that amaze me the most is the girls behavior. not one time i was asking the girl for the couchsurf she positively agreed. so, what can i say..i deleted my profile from couchsurfing and googd luck for sexsurfers)
I’ve experienced hosting for one German guy in Dubai.. And I am strictly up to meet up only in my profile in CS. It was my first hosting someone in CS and it turned out to inappropriate approach from that guy.. He insisted to come up to my flat and have sex with him.. Since then I deactivated my account in CS and got disappointed.
Thank you for such a topic. It happened to me once in Paris. Eating dinner with my young Hungarian host I suddenly felt his hand brush mine and I thought it couldn’t have happened, surely not. How disappointing. We were enjoying a few drinks. He started flirting with me and said I could share his bed. I felt belittled. It was all very lighthearted but I was afraid he could have got angry. He told me I was his first CouchSurfer and apologised. He said I could sleep in his room and he would take the living room. Definitely not, and then that kind of scenario made me nervous and iI couldn’t sleep. He took me out to breakfast and I stupidly wrote him a reference, He didn’t write me one. It was as if I didn’t exist. He referred to his next surfer as his first couchsurfer. I do know a guy who had a prostitute come stay who asked him for money. That’s what he wrote, but then that mysteriously disappeared. This particular man I has a very charming profile but there is a predator lurking there. You have to be very careful on CS.