I have been planning to write this post for weeks but my hectic schedule at the kindergarten has not let me. This weekend I decided to be strict with myself and find some time to finally sit and write what I have been trying to say about my
Before I start, let me explain what couchsurfing is for those who have never heard of it before.
What is Couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing has been created by Casey Fenton – an American who set up a web portal that offers its users hospitality exchange (you can host travelers or get hosted when traveling) and social networking services (helping each other with travel issues). The idea is very simple and the portal couchsurfing.org is getting bigger and bigger each day with more than one million registered users from more than 70.000 cities.
It’s free of charge and easy to set up. You just need to fill in some personal information, add some photos and get references to look more reliable. You can also get verified to show other members you are who you are saying you are.
Why couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing is a great way of exploring places on a budget without spending a lot of money on accommodation. Moreover, you can meet amazing people who can look after you and show you around the city. It’s a great alternative for solo travelers not to feel lonely or for those who are looking for new friendship and fun.
On the Couch is the story of Fleur Britten’s adventure staying on the couches of strangers abroad. If you’re thinking about couch surfing this is definitely a must-read – it’ll open your eyes to what you could expect. You can get the book here.
For me,
Is it safe?
In today’s world, nothing’s safe. Let’s face it. Same applies to
Couchsurfing vs. Sexsurfing
It’s getting more and more popular that girls pick up boys as their hosts and vice versa. Why? For some, it’s just someone who seems nice, but for others, there are more chances to have “no strings attached” free sex. I have heard of it before but never thought it might have been a true statement. As it turns out, it is. What’s even worse, it sounds so obvious to some people. Let me explain that on my example without mentioning any names. In total, I was hosted by 5 guys and 3 girls during my whole European backpacking. I was asked to have sex twice and 2 people were saying they were hoping to have sex before I had arrived and only one person did not mention anything about that.
I was shocked when I found out that some guys accept couchsurfing requests mostly from Slavic girls thinking they are easy to have sex with. I was even more surprised when I found out that a lot of girls are looking for one night stand as a part of their unforgettable couchsurfing experience.
I might sound like a 80-year-old granny right now, but I openly say NO to that. For me traveling is about seeing new places and not about having sex with random guys.
I sometimes felt uncomfortable with my hosts saying “The door to my bedroom is open all night”! When it happened once I was laughing and taking it as a joke, but it happened more than once. For me it’s simply inappropriate. I might be old-fashioned but for me it takes some time to open up to someone and gaining my trust is not that easy. I must be in love or at least feel a strong connection with the person I am going to sleep with.
The first time I came across Sexsurfing was in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I’ve heard some stories from local boys who hosted girls from all around the world and they slept with more than 3/4 of them. The guys were surprised of how easy it was to do that. I remember one guy saying “White girls are so easy and hot!” I thought they were joking but as it turns out girls are often more pushy than guys when it comes to sex.
The main reason for me for choosing male hosts were my personal preferences. I prefer to hang out with guys to be honest because they normally are funnier, they don’t argue over stupid stuff and I often learn a lot from them especially when it comes to travels. I’m not into shopping and gossiping that much so didn’t take female hosts into consideration. It was my mistake. As it turned out, I had a wonderful time with my Taiwanese girls in Prague and we still keep in touch, whereas some of my male hosts don’t even reply to my messages on Facebook (after I turned them down).
What shocks me the most is not the fact that a couchsurfer and a host might end up in a bed together, but the fact people use this portal to hunt girls for free sex and vice versa. I am now thinking of how many girls may not have a strong personality to refuse…
Getting a hotel room or hostel bed could be a better option if you’re not very good in saying no when you feel that way.
How about you? Do you agree? Have you had any Couchsurfing/Sexsurfing experience when traveling? Share your thoughts in comments.
I am really curious of what you might think and thank you in advance!
446 thoughts on “Couchsurfing or Sexsurfing? What is the Difference Nowadays?”
Hi there.
Ok a lot of opinions so i think the topic is clarified enough. Accourding to me Internet and couchsurfing as part of it is a reflection of the real life. We are all humans and declaring “this should not be this way” is pretty ok….lets say non sense. Declaring “yes this happens because the world goes this way and i am ok/not with this offers” is a real realm vision.
A simple story. I am from Balkans i hosted girl from Hungary. Ok….first we just met for a coffed but after all i hosted her for 2 nights. Very nice, charming girl, pretty intelligent. First night i was a little bit flirty but i think she was on the edge of deciding what to do. Then she suddenly called me for second night mostly because it was suitable for her to take the fligh. But ok we started chatting some flirting then at some time i said ” if you would like you can stay with me for the night” and she was like “i still don`t know yet because i don`t feel well” after that she decided to go to her room alone…so no problem. In the morning she was vomiting and dehidrated very fast so i had to take a free day off and take her to a hospital. I think she hit the star in this case because i am very taking care person so i was with her all the time holding her hand and helping her, dealing with the medical insurance and so on. She was extremely gratefull because of that and i felt it in her eyes and expecially when she took my hand and said “Thank you”. Ok i ended with no sex but i don`t care at all. This was not my first intention at all.
So i write this story just to light up the situation by a different side for the dissapointed people here. Please, just accept CS as the real world. It is much more possible to meet good boys and girls there and if you wish feel free to live your emotions and share something special with them.
Best wishes and “Just think like a Proton, positive”
I think one issue is the chauvinistic culture we live around.
I hosted a lone female once. I didn’t think much about it, though I did want to make sure she was not uncomfortable. We just talked and I showed her around the city she was interested in, it was cool.
The next day, after seeing her to her train, I’m hanging out with a friend and when I tell him I hosted a female couchsurfer the night before the first thign he asks me is, “Didja’ bang her?”
“No Bill… I didn’t ‘bang’ her.”
People are looking for different things. I think sex is a beautiful thing and there’s nothing wrong with people having it when they can, but like many have already said before me, one should not have this as their goal when using couchsurfing.
Wow… Nice post! I had so much fun reading your blog. ^^
My pleasure ! x
Dear Agness,
How come you are travelling that much? Don’t you study or work?
I wouldn’t have time for that, that’s why I ask…
Hey! I do study and I do work and on top of that I travel the world :)!!
I can give you my point of view as a man. I was shocked the first time a girl told me that sometimes girls say “yes” to a sexual proposal because they are afraid and they want to be polite and don’t want to hurt the man with a “no”. So it can happen that a honest man feels attracted and tries, and the girl accepts but actually she doesn’t want: so a honest proposal turns into a rape, without the man being aware thas he is raping. It’ horrible.
On the other side, if I feel attracted and I don’t express my attraction, it will result in a deep pain for me, because all feelings are a form of spiritual energy: if I block my energy hiding my feelings I will suffer and neurosis will arise. How to avoid both my pain for not expressing attraction and the girl’s pain for being put in an uncomfortable situation? Is there a win-win solution to this problem?
“so a honest proposal turns into a rape, without the man being aware thas he is raping”
This is quite ridiculous, if a girl (a woman, a man, a boy, a trans, a ladyboy , a lesbian of whatever) agrees in having sex (whatever situation the couple met: couchsurfing, hotel, bar, beach, from friend’s introduction) it just can not be called rape.
If one of the two changes his mind during or after the sex his just his only and solely problem.
In my case I have been ‘victim’ of the opposite behaviour often.
People that had kind of psychosis where felt a danger that was not there and even if I didn’t even think about sex or anything related, those persons did a wrote a defaming and unfair comment to me:
https://travelthetheater.wordpress.com/2014/11/20/a-couchsurfing-horror-story-a-negative-reference-that-hides-many-things/
Dear Agnes,
Having read your story and some of the comments I (unfortunately) have to agree with you. Couchsurfing has become a bit of a dating/free sex site.
We have, my partner and I, made a little bit of use of it and have had very positive and memorable encounters with CS.
In 2007 we cycled the river Danube. In 2010 from Portugal to Norway. 2012 New Caledonia and 2013 East coast of Australia. All positive.
At the time someone mentioned that CS had become a free dating agency I didn’t believe it. Now I do.
This is one of the reasons we only accept youngsters of 30+. We are not in partying and the like.
We prefer to stay with mature adults and preferably cyclists.
Any cyclist (even 18 year olds) are welcome. And they like to stay with “oldies” 66 and 70 year young retirees.
So, my advice for solo girls: try to find families or at least ask if they (males) have a girlfriend living with them.
Happy travels Peter
Unfortunately cyclists are not so interested in non cyclists.
Hi Agness,
You re post was amazing. I started couchsurfing a few months ago, and like you, I also get along better with guys. I have always been very lucky with the hosts I have had, they have been truly amazing. I had only one host who was flirtier, but didn’t make it in a bad way or in a way that I felt uncomfortable or didn’t say he had an “open door”. When I choose a host I spend a lot of time, because sometimes you can tell by what they write on a post how the hosts are. I remember once reading a profile, and the guy saying he wanted to show the city and have some fun (some guys have their own idea of fun). When after I read his reviews, he actually had negatives, which didn’t surprise me. But despite everything, there are amazing hosts out there and I have always been very fortunate with my hosts.
On the whole this article was superb and I agree with what you wrote.
I asked my 40 female ex guests. practically all of them had at least one sexual experience on CS, and most of them had many (non of them with me, of course). It looks like CS is mostly used for sex by girls, not by men.
I also met several female csers that were looking for sex.
I think that important is to just respect each other and not gossip around.
Everybody does with CS what he wants as long he respect other users. The same is for life.
That’s really creepy.
I am a guy and I’ve couch surfed a whole bunch and only one time did someone try to come on to me (another couch surfer who was staying at the same host house as me!) Saying no didn’t even seem very awkward, it was just like “nah I’m just here for travel yo.” I imagine this is a much bigger problem for girls traveling and hosting. If you’re really worried about it (which I think you should at least acknowledge that it could happen) why not just stay with and host girls only? You can always message CS guys in the area about hanging out if you prefer men, but staying/hosting with women only will give you a lot more safety.
Being a person who loves travel, it sounds sort of wrong to say but I mean it in the most understanding of ways- I am so happy I was born a man. Travel is so much easier in every culture and situation because there are much fewer people trying to take advantage of me. Sorry gals you’ve got it rough on the road!
I think CS and Sexsurfing go hand in hand. Both men and women look for and have romantic encounters/sex with locals and others when traveling; it is definitely part of the traveling experience and very common. What a better way to connect with a person in which you share common interests and feel more secure than usual that he/she is not a psycho, than through CS?
Consciously or subconsciously anyone that agrees to host or be hosted by the opposite sex “accepts/wonders/thinks” about the possibility of it turning into more than a platonic get together, it is just our human instinct. I cannot imagine denying this instinct and missing out on a potential romantic partner based on the thought that CS is not “meant” for that. I always regret not making a move because you never know what it could have turned into, it could have been your soul mate you passed on. That being said no one should expect sex from their guests, that is completely unacceptable.
I guess it is just hard for me to comprehend a guy “asking you for sex” with no chemistry or it not being led up to that point. Also I would say the country you are visiting makes a HUGE difference on whether the hosts are expecting sex in return for your stay.
Agnes question for you. Are you saying that you did not have a romantic encounter (thoughts,kissing, cuddling ect..) with any CSrs? And follow up, you have never had any romance while traveling??
Thanks for the article, I definitely like seeing a different perspective and well written.
-Dre
great article and so true.
Now I ask a guy in advance, if there is a seperate bed and room for me. Often he will just answer that there is only one bed ! :(
A girl can feel guilty and feel trapped and as a result not say no. Sometimes she cant get any sleep because the guy wont stop bugging her. I had nowhere to sleep once so i was at the train station and a guy offered me a place to stay. I didnt find out until I got there that it was in a bad area, was disgusting, and a homeless man had the spare bed. In the end i had to relieve him win my hands and then sleep head to toe with him.
Now i take with me an airmattress and sleep on that at airports instead. And when i host people i make them sleep in a tent (i live in the black forest)
to the guy who was dry humped by the other guy, that sounds very scary ! I would love to visit canada and i definately wouldnt do that to you.
there are some old men, like this one, who are VERY IFFY
one if my couchsurfers stayed with him and said that the reference left by the guy disturbed him. Fortunately he only stayed for dinner, and he said that the guy acted a but gay.
i have nothing about gays, but , people shouldnt abuse couchsurfing for his purpose. Especially to take advantage of young vulnerable people.
So here’s a question I have after reading, idk if you’ll know the answer. But about what percentage of girls sleep with dudes when they stay over?
Finally, a post addressing this issue with CS! Thank you Agness.
I have had a lot of experience couch-surfing, most of them wonderful and life-changing.. but a few unpleasant ones.
I found that the easiest way to avoid pervy male hosts on Couchsurfing was to take read all their references. Whenever I stayed with someone who had at LEAST 15-20 detailed, positive references from men, women and couples, I never had a problem with them!
If you come across the profile of a male host with mostly/only female references, please be extremely wary. They might be great people, but they most definitely are only accepting female surfers for a reason! Avoid couples only accepting women. From my experience, they are usually hoping for a threesome : /
If your host is trying to ply you with alcohol the first night of your arrival, take this as a huge red flag and do not drink.
Remember. Always read references! :)
PS You can always mention an imaginary bf in your couch request if you like!
UGH! I am so glad I found this article. I deactivated my coushsurfing page today…. every single woman I ever asked to host me denies me and i have gotten an onslaught of messages from guys who clearly think it is a dating site… out of frustration I stayed with one man who was totally respectful. The second not so much but you should see his reviews… all from russian and ukranian woman… raving raving raving… it is honestly bizarre…
I really enjoyed reading your blog about couchsurfing Vs. sexsurfing.
I’ve done couchsurfing for about 4 years now i’ve hosted people back home in my parents house, therefore i’ve never experienced such thing when I was hosting people, but now I am in Europe and it happened to me in couple of occasions with couple of girls I met with couchsuring couple of years ago back in my home country, we kept in contact and trust, ultimately it became a reality. I usually get couch requests and refuse them as I have kind of student life here in Europe right now. btw I do not use CS as a dating site, but to meet nice people building relationships and so on.
Hi Agness, I was a CSer from April 2008 to Nov.2011. I am from India. My country people always used CS as a dating and a place for finding and having sex with others, especially foreigners.
They use/used all the means for it, from manipulation to groupism, networking with similar or not even similar minded CSers(be it Indians or Foreigner CSers) to strengthen their manipulation, groupism, commit crimes from theft to ripping off, to dating to sex, to harassing(sexually or otherwise) to raping, to mixing intoxicants in other CSers food to blackmailing, to kidnapping to murdering, and what not :( Some of the foreign CS girls are still in India, working as slaves, as they are blackmailed and compeled due to various reasons to stay in India and work for their sexual criminal maniac Indian masters/organized criminal networks/groups(of both men and women), some of these girls/women you can find in Uttarakhand(Rishikesh,Haridwar), Himachal Pradesh, Himalayas, Leh, Ladakh etc. Some others(actualy many till now) have been married to organized international political criminal networks without them knowing that they are being fooled, manipulated, and their life is being destroyed forever and they will face the dire consequences for it, and/or will have to work for their criminal soulmates to become partners in their crimes(I met many such women,both Indians as well as foreigners, who have become partners in crimes for their boyfriends/husbands/friends etc) and even came in my life for helping their criminal friends/partners etc, still do. I was shocked to experience and know all this, wanted to bring out the fact in front of the people/CSers all over the world, but my CS account was removed due to these networks pressure and drama(manipulations,bullying,cooking up stories,defaming me,assasinating my character etc). I still created fake profiles every now and then, and alerted the CSers, mostly foreigner CSers as most of the Indians were/are either a part of these networks or support/supported them, or ignore such things. Whenever I posted/post on open forum/group on CS, many different person from their group attack my post and even many of them even write there itself openly that it is me, how do they know?(that’s another secret) and get my thread deleted and even my account deleted. They’re using their network still, to commit all crimes and manipulations etc, and ensuring that the fact doesn’t come out in open in front of the entire CS community. They know, I am the biggest threat for them in terms of exposing them, so they spy on me and all other CSers through sensors, cameras, fiber optics etc through which they keep a tab on every CSer as per their wish.
Hope, you all can understand as to how grave the situation is, at least on Indian CS, if not anywhere else, although, as they have spread everywhere now, to other countries also, especially through CS, now this international network has gained more power, and have become like any other mafia.
Tomorrow I’ll be hosting my first couchsurfer ever (before that I’ve always been the one couchsurfing) … I was actually really looking forward to it until a few minutes ago I got messages from him with… well let’s say sexual content. I never knew something like sexsurfing existed. Honestly, this is terrible. Kind of makes me wanna quit this entire thing immediately. Not looking forward to host him at all.
I don’t hit on my CS for a simple reason, even if she is a very atractive girl, like the beautiful Polish girl who writes to this blog (initially I thought she was Dutch), the point is that when I receive a person, specially from another country, so I’m not presenting only myself, a Brazilian man, I’m presenting my whole country! And I don’t want a person from another country to think that all Brazilian men are sexually obsessed (as many European women think about the Turkishes or Indians). I am representing my country, so I do everything possible to remove this negative image that many people have from Brazil in Western Europe.
I remember a situation where I received a girl from Austria. I know that in Germanic countries people, including women, love to take off their clothes when it’s hot. This day, my parents travelled and she and her friend were at pool, she got back to my appartment, and when I left my room, I suddendly saw that little blonde goddess using a really short bikini, sitting at my room. I’ve seen many girls like that before, but her body was really awesome, so I just said, “I see that you really enjoy the gym”, and she smiled, that was all. She could be naked, I would still respect her!
Come on, guys, are you Humans or beasts sexually obsessed? Put yourself at the place of such girls, imagine it’s your sister or mom, would be glad if someone hitted her? Do you want your people to be taken as a “people of sex freakers” because of your advances? That’s something that I learned in some countries of Eastern Europe, to imagine yourself as a part of a whole, not as an “atomic individual” as many people see themselves at West.
Hello,
I noticed this website for a long time. I read a lot of peoples ideas, beliefs, and experiences on here. Although I do believe it is someone’s choice to go to bed with a person I also believe that just having a couchsurfing experience without expecting sex is fun as well. I am a man and I will be honest… sometimes if I host a lady I would not mind for that to happened. Also, at times I felt it could have but the couchsurfing feeling of being a great host kicks in. I only host about 10 or so people(mostly woman) but for the most part had positive experiences. I don’t think it is a good idea just to blame the man in this situation. Woman alike also want no string attached sex. Believe it,., I would not have until I have started couchsurfing. I do like and enjoy couchsurfing but I think it might not be a good idea if I was single. It would be too tempting for me. On another note, I do not feel you are a “grandma” for getting to know someone before you have sex but I also think it is that person choice and if you do not agree with them or not should not be an issue. Not saying you have but just in general. Keep up with the website.
kroker namad
I see this is an old posting but what you wrote is somewhat true, I ahve only joined CS since March this year and haven’t really host or being hosted by anyone yet, but I have use it several time to meet up with people who lives around the area I’m going to visit. So far, the male and females I have ever met are really nice.
And I agree with some of the opinion I read on comment, I prefer to go or meet up with female and if it has to be a guy, it would be better if he has a gf or a wife (as the comments said, the mostly won’t be flirting on you and focus mostly on making new friends).
next week I’m going to use it again and this time I’m going to use it to surf, 3 cities, 2 couches (at the last city, going to stay with my nan). first city, female host, on message she sound very nice and welcome me, also excited to show me around when I come later. the host in the 2nd city, would be a male, but I always do a thorough research before deciding things, same as that, I did some research first and this male definitely focus on helping fellow traveler specially backpackers, he even prepare a place with a lot of room for almost 100 traveler to stay. so yeah not all the male are bad.
on the 2nd and on the way to 3rd city, I’m going to travel with CS member too, a male but I made sure he has a gf and definitely fallin in love with her, since I have a hubby already :)
there’s a male (lives in the 3rd city I’m going to visit) trying to hit up on me on CS message, the moment I said I ahve a hubby, the message reply length from him is decreased and decreased until he said OK for his very last message. haha, i find it kinda funny how he back up so quickly knowing that the door is closed and luckily he show his true color before I even got there cuz he might creep me out if he tried to get closer to me in person.
Well, just make sure whoever you’re travelling with is mainly focus on enjoying the adventure of traveling, not the side benefit (sexsurfing, i find this term funny to use)
do some research won’t hurt either :)
Cheers :D
I find it a bit sad that you stereotype girls as loving “shopping and gossip”. Usually girls you meet on CS are so much cooler than that. Of course there obviously are some who take it as a Tinder alternative but they usually rather only surf than host or participate events. I have been on CS for a while and whether zou surf with a girl or guy, it’s the best idea to read through their profile really well and try to find somebody who similar to you. Usually those people are quite decent. Or travelling with a male friend, that proved to be the safest option ever :D