I have been planning to write this post for weeks but my hectic schedule at the kindergarten has not let me. This weekend I decided to be strict with myself and find some time to finally sit and write what I have been trying to say about my
Before I start, let me explain what couchsurfing is for those who have never heard of it before.
What is Couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing has been created by Casey Fenton – an American who set up a web portal that offers its users hospitality exchange (you can host travelers or get hosted when traveling) and social networking services (helping each other with travel issues). The idea is very simple and the portal couchsurfing.org is getting bigger and bigger each day with more than one million registered users from more than 70.000 cities.
It’s free of charge and easy to set up. You just need to fill in some personal information, add some photos and get references to look more reliable. You can also get verified to show other members you are who you are saying you are.
Why couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing is a great way of exploring places on a budget without spending a lot of money on accommodation. Moreover, you can meet amazing people who can look after you and show you around the city. It’s a great alternative for solo travelers not to feel lonely or for those who are looking for new friendship and fun.
On the Couch is the story of Fleur Britten’s adventure staying on the couches of strangers abroad. If you’re thinking about couch surfing this is definitely a must-read – it’ll open your eyes to what you could expect. You can get the book here.
For me,
Is it safe?
In today’s world, nothing’s safe. Let’s face it. Same applies to
Couchsurfing vs. Sexsurfing
It’s getting more and more popular that girls pick up boys as their hosts and vice versa. Why? For some, it’s just someone who seems nice, but for others, there are more chances to have “no strings attached” free sex. I have heard of it before but never thought it might have been a true statement. As it turns out, it is. What’s even worse, it sounds so obvious to some people. Let me explain that on my example without mentioning any names. In total, I was hosted by 5 guys and 3 girls during my whole European backpacking. I was asked to have sex twice and 2 people were saying they were hoping to have sex before I had arrived and only one person did not mention anything about that.
I was shocked when I found out that some guys accept couchsurfing requests mostly from Slavic girls thinking they are easy to have sex with. I was even more surprised when I found out that a lot of girls are looking for one night stand as a part of their unforgettable couchsurfing experience.
I might sound like a 80-year-old granny right now, but I openly say NO to that. For me traveling is about seeing new places and not about having sex with random guys.
I sometimes felt uncomfortable with my hosts saying “The door to my bedroom is open all night”! When it happened once I was laughing and taking it as a joke, but it happened more than once. For me it’s simply inappropriate. I might be old-fashioned but for me it takes some time to open up to someone and gaining my trust is not that easy. I must be in love or at least feel a strong connection with the person I am going to sleep with.
The first time I came across Sexsurfing was in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I’ve heard some stories from local boys who hosted girls from all around the world and they slept with more than 3/4 of them. The guys were surprised of how easy it was to do that. I remember one guy saying “White girls are so easy and hot!” I thought they were joking but as it turns out girls are often more pushy than guys when it comes to sex.
The main reason for me for choosing male hosts were my personal preferences. I prefer to hang out with guys to be honest because they normally are funnier, they don’t argue over stupid stuff and I often learn a lot from them especially when it comes to travels. I’m not into shopping and gossiping that much so didn’t take female hosts into consideration. It was my mistake. As it turned out, I had a wonderful time with my Taiwanese girls in Prague and we still keep in touch, whereas some of my male hosts don’t even reply to my messages on Facebook (after I turned them down).
What shocks me the most is not the fact that a couchsurfer and a host might end up in a bed together, but the fact people use this portal to hunt girls for free sex and vice versa. I am now thinking of how many girls may not have a strong personality to refuse…
Getting a hotel room or hostel bed could be a better option if you’re not very good in saying no when you feel that way.
How about you? Do you agree? Have you had any Couchsurfing/Sexsurfing experience when traveling? Share your thoughts in comments.
I am really curious of what you might think and thank you in advance!
446 thoughts on “Couchsurfing or Sexsurfing? What is the Difference Nowadays?”
Hi Agnes,
This is my first couch surfing experience which unfortunately was very uncomfortable rather than unforgettable. I m definitely not looking for a one night stand as a part of Couchsurfing experience. But my first host had exactly that in mind and I literally had to tell him how incredibly uncomfortable he is making me and that if hooking up is mandatory then I would rather move out now to a nearby hotel.
That whole night I didn’t sleep fearing my security since I sleep somewhat deeply.
I learnt my lesson, I may not couch surf again or if I do, I will be upfront in laying these ground rules beforehand so host can reject if he has such inappropriate expectations!!!
My CS experiences are really limited,I had surfed two times and hosted three times, but i had really nice experiences with my hosts and as guests,
Some of them really not cool,only thinks of just getting an accommodation by writing some sweet words.Trying to get your backpacks taken by telling they are really interested in your culture. (thanks to a turkish girl to get me that understanding).Cleaning out your toilet bin looking for Sanitary pad (by two french girls) thank god i found it next days as it was completely empty because as a single man i normally need two weeks to get it filled),And these guys telephoned me for a couch request as no. given by other french girls who stayed with me two days before)
Any way now i am stopping it for a while but overwhelmingly saying i enjoyed it.
I don’t WANT to be raped by a Gay couch-surfer! I’m going to hide in Prison! But, seriously, I’m a middle-aged member who hasn’t hosted yet? Should I use my late parent’s bedroom or the foldout couch in the family room?? Any thoughts? And do you hide your financial statements somewhere the guests can’t See them??
Couchsurfing offers amazing sex opportunities for guys and girls. Nothing should be forced. I was a host for more than 3 years and i had amazing sexual experiences and i loved it. Comed with the fun. What is your problem? If you are asexual than why do other girls who enjoy sex have to follow your example. Buy a vibrator and stay home.
I realize this is a rather old post but I decided to comment anyway. I am a female CSer and have been doing CS for the past six years together with my girlfriend (nowadays my wife). We have hosted and surfed with a lot more guys than girls for the simple reason that there are much more guys on CS and we never had a bad experience.
It is different, of course, travelling as a couple but on the other hand some men have a dismissive attitude towards lesbian relationships and tend to imagine their services are needed in form of a threesome or sthing like that. I am very happy to report that we have never had any CS guy suggesting anything that would make us uncomfortable – yes, maybe once or twice a guy made a comment on how he wouldnt mind us kissing in front of him or sthing to that effect but nobody has crossed the line.
Then again, I have heard of several stories of girls travelling alone being harassed by their CS hosts or guests which is just wrong. Yes, I agree that when two consenting adults click they are of course free to do whatever they want together. However anybody making the pass should be able to read the signals and realize whether their advances are welcomed or not. It would make a very uncomfortable situation for both when the advances are refused so you should really take it easy, try the waters discreetly and if you are not getting a positive response, leave it before it gets awkward.
It is really a shame if women feel they have to give up on using CS for the fear of being harassed as essentially it is a wonderful way of getting to know the country and the people in a much more personal and interesting way.
Really good post, I think it’s definitely a concern for girls wanting to travel cheap. I know it’s a concern for me whilst I’m planning my trip to Europe. I think it’s just important to keep in mind that some people who are hosting may be hoping that you’d be willing to sleep with them as part of the “exchange” of them letting you Couchsurf at their home, and in some extreme circumstances, may even expect it.
But I see nothing wrong with sleeping with a host if that’s something both people really want to do. As long as there is total consent on both sides. And I don’t think we should judge people for it, because in the end, sometimes people just want to have a couple of flings while they travel.
Thank you SO much for this post. I had horrible experiences with perverts from Germany and Turkey trying to take advantage of me on couch surfing. I had to RUN out of the house twice-both were Turkish men. After the sick idealogy of the muslim male in Turkey I will never travel aone to another muslim country. They do not respect women neither did their prophet so they will not respect you no matter what you do-so don’t try and don’t pretend that “some muslim men” NO. Their profit states very clearly that they have a RIGHT to hit and abuse women-even if THEY do NOT use that right they still Believe IN THeiR ReLIGION THAT THey HAVe THe RIGHT.
I was very distressed by these occurrences and I hope some woman reads my comment and does not couch surf in Turkey or any other nation where the predominant religion is Islam. As far as the German pervert he was a voyeur, a peeping tom and he enjoyed photographing women-he had cameras ALL OVER his apartment and he had MOTION SENSORS-he was like a serial killer. So I left of COURSE I DID NOT STAY!!!! I went to a hotel.
You are NOT old fashioned.
Couch surfing began based on the premise of LOVE FOR TRAVELLING not LOVE FOR SEX. Some creepy predators and perverts took advantage of the forum and hijacked it for their perverse sexual needs. Screw them for ruining a GOOD service. BUT NO you are not wrong-this isn’t tinder-CS was supposed to be about people who love the art of travel.
I got to know much more how these creeps and predators have taken over Couchsurfing since 2008 esecially. Customer Service of Couchsurfing is handled in India and Turkey for many countries, hence, you see creeps and predators always surviving on Couchsurfing even after committing rapes and other crimes and the genuine ones gets kicked out.
Read the psyche of Indians also, Tatiana and other ladies, here:
https://www.cnn.com/
Thanks Ajay! I know I am right.
Welcome, Tatiana
I just got the app and was very suprised as this was the first mention of this I’ve seen so far.
I would be interested to hear more about this from you. I personally find it exemely inappropriate that such a thing is even offered/expected let alone done..
I’m stupified.
Be careful, Mendy and good luck! :)
This article is very-very actual! I never host guys (since I live alone), and I have acquired the best of my friends all over the world via CouchSurfing, however, although NOW my profile says “wants to meet up” for the purpose of cultural exchange only, still, 2 out of 4 guys I have ever met, jumped at me with kisses, 1 was hinting that his apartment is nearby while walking around the city, 1 wrote me after saying bye-bye, in the evening, saying he wants to spend night at my place. All of the guys had positive references.
I am seriously thinking of closing my CouchSurfing account! It stopped serving what it was initially created to serve for!
I think these comments are misplaced by sullying the name of CS. There are risks to interact with people in general. CS is as safe a venue as this sort of interaction gets short of paying for a bed and breakfast and paid host. There are hostel horror stories as well. In my opinion someone having an adventurous lifestyle needs to travel responsibly and not view VS as a cheap night, but rather as the cultural exchange and interesting conversation & company for which it is intended. If someone i unable to care for themselves, they have no business tarnishing the image of a wonderful resource, and I disagree with Agnes’ click-attracting blog and feel it does a disservice to the community of travelers.
This may not be apparent to many people who haven’t thought carefully about what they read, but by labeling things like this, it actually attracts the attention of bad actors and fear-mongers off peoples’ insecurities. Let me compare it to hitchhiking. This was a perfectly acceptable and Kerouac or free-spirited thing that fizzeled out after the 1990s. Now hitchhiking is basically relegated to history and frightens everyone. No one can put a finger on what drove this environmental, cultural, and economic wonderful experience into the ground, but the fact is the media hype and fearm-ongering played a key role. Now if you want to have a cheap trip you have to go on a disgusting Greyhound and we’ve lost trust in our gellow humans.
What does this have to do with Agnes’ post? Well, clearly she expects more form a matching system than her good judgement, and would rather type safely behind a keyboard and stir up the pot for clicks. That may be fun for her but it is precisely this sort of activity that did hitchhiking in. Not all people are equipped to deal with risks and protect their own safety. They should stay home or not get so close to their fellow humans. Couch surfing certainly did not invent the fact that people can be attracted to each other! It would be nice to focus on a balanced approach. There is nothing wrong with being respectful and clear you are not looking for hookups. The real problem is that many actually are comfortable with hookups (which I am not), and they certainly are usually respectful humans and deserve respect. Out of millions of successful matches the rate of abuse seems so far below that of date rape or even much milder forms of abuse that pointing to 5 cases out of 1 million is simply unfair. One in 7,000 people with drivers licenses die from auto accidents annually, which with a little fear-mongering would get driving banned and scare people out of their wits to do. To be positive, you need to drive defensively and you increase your safety incredibly. Same here, being fair and balances and not with inflammatory or click hungry jabs on the internet.
Al-I bet you are a male. There have been numerous RAPES innumerable in fact on couchsurfing and this is a balanced and appropriate warning to women who travel on a budget because this is a misogynistic world. we still have countries where women cannot report a crime and have it taken seriously-even in Turkey. So I think your comment is ignorant and insulting.
And as a woman who had to raise a knife to a “host” in Turkey in order to prevent myself from getting raped I can Take Good care of myself. I got away. I would not let him rape me. I had to run out of the house and down a mountain road to get help. In Venice multiple women have been raped by a couchsurfer. But really, should I have had to learn the hard way that there were perverts on Couchsurfing-NO. Don’t answer I do not CARE what you think-my question was rhetorical. And if you are a woman I feel sorry for you that you are so ignorant about our world.
When I was young I hitch hiked a lot. Apart from one incident in many years, all the people who picked me up were happy to just chat. That one incident was a Turkish lorry driver who grabbed at me, but when I wildly gesticulated to let me out he stopped, I opened the door and jumped out. Much later on, when it was probably no longer the heyday of hitchhiking, I remember a couple of lifts from older men who made comments that made me uncomfortable, but not physically threatened, though I was glad when those lifts ended. I remember the vast majority as nice, lonely men with deep thoughts about things who just wanted company and to chat, many long distance lorry drivers. I remember interesting guys, one bought me dinner with absolutely no pressure and dropped me off at my parents’ door, one was as I was negotiating the motorways around Manchester I got picked up by an attractive man in a nice sports car who very unintrusively talked about his belief in Jesus. I remember hitch hiking from the Austrian border to Munich and being given a lift from an old gentleman in an extremely comfortable car with beaded seat covers. I did have a very frightening encounter, but it was not whilst hitch hiking, but that is a different story.
Hi Agness,
I’m a wee bit disappointed to read this (but not totally surprised).
I use Couchsurfing a lot, and have met so many amazing people this way.
I tend to avoid single guys/girls though – I’ve been staying with various Couchsurfing hosts as I walked down the Meditteranean coast of Spain:
https://ataxia.scot/
I usually find it quite easy, when reading references from former guests, to work out who is using Couchsurfing for what, and who I will have some sort of affinity with.
When my trip sadly ended in tears, it was a previous Spanish host (and her complete stranger [then] of a friend, who came to my rescue).
I’m intending to do the same in the US next.
Yes, there are always people who will take advantage of any system. But it is not too hard to unearth some complete gems.
Iain
Good evening,
The must crucial thing to travel safe are the references! If you find somebody with ten positive references you can be sure it’s going to be a decent person.
I remember a polish girl I hosted saying her previous host was constantly trying to hook up with her. She showed me his profile and no surprise he had 3 out 5 negative references. Later I asked her why did she stay at his place . She answered:
” I didn’t even read his profile :) ”
Choose wisely your host. Besides the cs profile ask him his Facebook, number, try to give a call before so you can have a better judgement.
To finish I thing if you want to travel safely and in there are two type o f host you can avoid right away:
The dangerous one. An old creep living in the suburbs, with no references, (sometimes no pictures), who is already sending a request to host you not even waiting. It seems very obvious but besides the example I mentioned above a lot of bad stories I was reading on the internet happened with this stereotype. Seriously why would you put yourself in this position?
The young guy with great travelling pictures with amazing references just from women, mostly attractive. Although he is not dangerous as the previous one you can be sure he is using the app to hook up.
Be safe :)
Hey, this is a very great post! I’ve been wondering this kinda problem after traveling in the Philippines. So, I am a newbie solo backpacker. It was my first time stepping my feet on another country land. My first experience of Couchsurfing was in Manila. My host was an Indian guy who has lived in the city for like 2 years. He seemed so nice. I read his profile and we already talked on WhatsApp before I had arrived in the city. In the beginning, he was nice. He talked a lot. We actually talked a lot. But suddenly he said he can read someone’s personality from palm. He grabbed my right hand and opened my palm. He started to read and was telling all the personality thingy. After that, he said he could read from my soles. I said, “really? Oh okay!” He grabbed my foot and touched my sole. He ‘read’ me again. But then, he started to touch my legs. And then thighs. I was like, “hey I think this is wrong.” I didn’t yell and get angry. Because it was my first experience with Couchsurfing. I was thinking, if he had kept doing it, I would just leave his flat and find a hostel around. But he stopped and I preferred to sleep on his couch. But not every guy host seeks for sex. I had a very warm, kind, and friendly host in Cebu City. Thank you for writing this post. Love your blog :)
And why anyone will host you without anything in return? Sorry no offene but it is very naive not to thought about that. Don’t tell me travel stories and all that crap. People can just Google it of they really want it.
Wow this was a real eye opener. I didn’t realize that this went on at all, must be an awkward situation all round when you get requests like that!
Wow! Such an interesting article. I’d never thought of this. The couchsurf hosts I’ve met are all so mild-mannered, haha. To each their own I guess, although if I were to couch surf, I’d almost definitely stay with a couple or a chick, just to avoid any awkwardness.
Maybe the fact that you are good looking tends to mean you don’t want casual sex and need to feel a connection or even be in love before you want to sleep with a man. And probably most men you meet would like sex with you, but many are too polite or very sensitive about a woman’s wishes. When I was young a lot of men would come on to me, but a lot would just treat me as a friend and a person they wanted to get to know better, and be quite happy to chat all night or do things and go places together. I think a lot of men care very much about you being happy with them before they even suggest sex. There was something in the newspapers today about the majority of women being picky about who they sleep with, and it being deeply ingrained into our genes by evolution as women had to deal with any consequences, whereas men could father thousands of children if they found fertile, willing women, and then not care what happened to any offspring. I think it said nearly half of all men also are picky and do care what happens to any offspring, but just over half are more upset at missing an opportunity for casual sex. How the woman feels probably also depends a bit on how attractive the guy is, how intelligent and interesting he is, and whether he bothers to take her out anywhere or invest time in her, but ultimately probably something more unconscious guides what we are looking for. I think I missed a lot of men who were intelligent and caring, who would have been good fathers, because they just didn’t have the particular spark my unconscious was looking for, or maybe there was some wisdom in what it was selecting or not selecting. Gene selection is very serious, and you probably do it unconsciously.
Interesting article. I also wonder what it is like for young men, and if female hosts also expect sex from them?
Wow… a lot of comments and smart ppl from all over the world! I am an Ethiopian young man live in Bahir Dar (lake side city). I sign up on CS in 2012 at that time i have been working in the hotel , then meet by couples from Europe …. they introduce me CS.
And i have hosted more than 20 couchsurfers, my first csr was from Australia and he was super funy n relaxed guy.
2nd Spanish couples, 3rd an old man about 57 from Germany, 4th Brazilian girl… 5th an Italian man , 6th Czech guy, 7th French young man 8th German girl (here we had a greate time with her having some time alone ,because i live with my big family … she was too open and positive thinker!) 9th Belarusian couples … 9th couples from Sweden and Ghana ….. and other more CSr were staying with me in my room and Art gallery.
They all are nice and kind for me and to my families too.
I had a sex with one of my CSr , but before we had it we just spend some friendly days which was great ,
It is up to us, you can’t say simply SEXSURFING.
But i agree with a woman who was saying ” mostly women who has faced such a trouble , they don’t like to put it on the reference , which will help those guys to get another chance over the others.