I have been planning to write this post for weeks but my hectic schedule at the kindergarten has not let me. This weekend I decided to be strict with myself and find some time to finally sit and write what I have been trying to say about my
Before I start, let me explain what couchsurfing is for those who have never heard of it before.
What is Couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing has been created by Casey Fenton – an American who set up a web portal that offers its users hospitality exchange (you can host travelers or get hosted when traveling) and social networking services (helping each other with travel issues). The idea is very simple and the portal couchsurfing.org is getting bigger and bigger each day with more than one million registered users from more than 70.000 cities.
It’s free of charge and easy to set up. You just need to fill in some personal information, add some photos and get references to look more reliable. You can also get verified to show other members you are who you are saying you are.
Why couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing is a great way of exploring places on a budget without spending a lot of money on accommodation. Moreover, you can meet amazing people who can look after you and show you around the city. It’s a great alternative for solo travelers not to feel lonely or for those who are looking for new friendship and fun.
On the Couch is the story of Fleur Britten’s adventure staying on the couches of strangers abroad. If you’re thinking about couch surfing this is definitely a must-read – it’ll open your eyes to what you could expect. You can get the book here.
For me,
Is it safe?
In today’s world, nothing’s safe. Let’s face it. Same applies to
Couchsurfing vs. Sexsurfing
It’s getting more and more popular that girls pick up boys as their hosts and vice versa. Why? For some, it’s just someone who seems nice, but for others, there are more chances to have “no strings attached” free sex. I have heard of it before but never thought it might have been a true statement. As it turns out, it is. What’s even worse, it sounds so obvious to some people. Let me explain that on my example without mentioning any names. In total, I was hosted by 5 guys and 3 girls during my whole European backpacking. I was asked to have sex twice and 2 people were saying they were hoping to have sex before I had arrived and only one person did not mention anything about that.
I was shocked when I found out that some guys accept couchsurfing requests mostly from Slavic girls thinking they are easy to have sex with. I was even more surprised when I found out that a lot of girls are looking for one night stand as a part of their unforgettable couchsurfing experience.
I might sound like a 80-year-old granny right now, but I openly say NO to that. For me traveling is about seeing new places and not about having sex with random guys.
I sometimes felt uncomfortable with my hosts saying “The door to my bedroom is open all night”! When it happened once I was laughing and taking it as a joke, but it happened more than once. For me it’s simply inappropriate. I might be old-fashioned but for me it takes some time to open up to someone and gaining my trust is not that easy. I must be in love or at least feel a strong connection with the person I am going to sleep with.
The first time I came across Sexsurfing was in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I’ve heard some stories from local boys who hosted girls from all around the world and they slept with more than 3/4 of them. The guys were surprised of how easy it was to do that. I remember one guy saying “White girls are so easy and hot!” I thought they were joking but as it turns out girls are often more pushy than guys when it comes to sex.
The main reason for me for choosing male hosts were my personal preferences. I prefer to hang out with guys to be honest because they normally are funnier, they don’t argue over stupid stuff and I often learn a lot from them especially when it comes to travels. I’m not into shopping and gossiping that much so didn’t take female hosts into consideration. It was my mistake. As it turned out, I had a wonderful time with my Taiwanese girls in Prague and we still keep in touch, whereas some of my male hosts don’t even reply to my messages on Facebook (after I turned them down).
What shocks me the most is not the fact that a couchsurfer and a host might end up in a bed together, but the fact people use this portal to hunt girls for free sex and vice versa. I am now thinking of how many girls may not have a strong personality to refuse…
Getting a hotel room or hostel bed could be a better option if you’re not very good in saying no when you feel that way.
How about you? Do you agree? Have you had any Couchsurfing/Sexsurfing experience when traveling? Share your thoughts in comments.
I am really curious of what you might think and thank you in advance!
446 thoughts on “Couchsurfing or Sexsurfing? What is the Difference Nowadays?”
I don t understand the problem ,if a guy and a girl they like each other and they want to have sex what s the difference if they meet with cs meeting badoo ,we are in 2014!!!! There is genetic manipulations minacing the life on earfh’cvlimatic change ,nuclear climatic etc weapons ,human are going to mars ,on you porn you can see 100000000 girls and 100000000boys having sex with a click and you are still worried about two adults having sex? You should live in medium age
Great reading this!
I have found in the past guys say no to me staying. Couples and girls almost always say yes. Men, for the best part on CS just seem to be after a shag. Shame really. They are missing out on some wonderful cultural experiences.
Love your blog by the way. :)
Hi! I really enjoyed your article because I just had my first couch surfing experience and it was terrible! The man was 43, divorced and had two kids. He had 10 references, so I thought he would be safe. I wanted a woman, but was in a desperate situation and only men were answering. He seemed the safest. Boy, was I wrong! He apparently posts on his site that you must sleep in his bed, but its very small and the rest of the site makes it sound like you have your own room! When I got there, I was confused. There is no couch, just two chairs and the one bedroom. When I explained that I had no idea. He kept asking if I read his profile. I had, but had missed that. He asked how could I and said if I didn’t know it was there, then it would be easy to miss. I slept on the chair and was asked to leave the next morning. I was already planning on it.
Hi! I found this very interesting and it’s a well written piece with lots of interesting opinions. It’s good to be aware that the ratio of men asking for sex is very high. I will probably try and pick female hosts most of the time.
I must say I found your reasons for picking men over women offensive. “[Men are] normally are funnier, they don’t argue over stupid stuff and I often learn a lot from them especially when it comes to travels. I’m not into shopping and gossiping that much”. You must not have met many women because the vast majority are funny, interesting and intelligent. They are not petty, always arguing and gossip non-stop about shopping. Have you ever met real women? Have you only seen women in movies?
This is a stupid generalisation by you and it’s especially disappointing coming from a woman. A very old-fashioned opinion and as a woman I’d be very glad not to have your company if you are so judgemental and prejudiced.
Hi Agness,
I think this is a great post. I have been traveling around Morocco and Europe for 10 months and I think you are so right. Most guys have been respectful, a few of them gave hints (also while hitchhiking), but many of them have been just friendly. One of them living in the south of Spain but from elsewhere was not and actually touched me innapropriately and threatened to leave me negative reviews on CS. Oh well, at least he deleted his profile afterwards, maybe tired of being turned down.
Here in Belgiump can be a bit tricky sometimes, not in that sense but how some (not all!!!) people expect you to be in a certain way, and if you are not quite it can become very cloudy.
Thanks for being so brave, I think that makes it easier for everybody to speak freely and that makes me ike your articles even more!
Cheers,
Leila
Sounds extreme, I also hear something from friends and hear some conversation in one meeting but I also though is a joke.
Anyway I don’t agree with the intention of this blog because call to discriminate by gender which is very closed minded. This things could happen but is not offen anyway.
Great article and comments, I recently had one bad experience of this kind with my host that make run away as soon as the sun rise up, and other three great experience in hosting and being hosted.
That’s a pity that CS is taking this direction, I think the best thing is to write honest reference and not be afraid to speak up, it’s happened to me that I received abusive private messages to ask me to take down my negative review a totally ridiculous reply to me. I believe people can see where is the truth.
The important thing is to respect each other, and ourself, be responsible and have a lucid mind. And be confident in change your or go away if something goes wrong.
Enjoy life!
Girls have to take a LOT of responsibility for this. There are so many of these easy girls using the fact that they are female to get an ‘easy bed’.
It’s pretty easy to spot the guy “sex surfers” – just look at their profile feedback and see who they have hosted. If it’s just a bunch of girls then it’s pretty obvious that they are ‘playboys’. A genuine couch-surfer should have hosted a mixture of males and females – as that’s the law of averages.
If women don’t want to get hassled then they should chose more wisely. But the fact is a lot of women love the attention (and sex).
As a dude living Amsterdam I get a ton of requests. Mostly from women, 70-75% or so. I don’t smoke weed which probably weeds out a few dudes (no pun intended). Other times the requests by dudes is just copy paste. I generally think women put more effort in searching a host which is understandable from their perspective but also makes it nicer for the host. (not nearly as much copy and paste work)
These are the things come in term of “cost” when people try to get something for free. What most people don’t realize is that what does not cost money will often cost something else. When in doubt, pay for everything, you will have the right to complaint and you will not owe anyone anything after. Hotels will always exist.
I heard of couchsurfing through a friend while on holiday. He was meeting up with several other people, and they were all just so much fun to talk to and learn about the world. I became instantly hooked on the idea and as soon as I returned home, signed up and hosted several people.
After the first week, I started to get an odd feeling about the site because I only had younger females requesting to stay with me (6 girls in 7 days). I took a break and went on holiday for about two weeks and received about 5 requests for the same day (the day after I returned from holiday). I accepted them all and ended up hosting 9 people at once. Everyone thought I was mad, but I immediately noticed a difference in the ‘feel’ of the surfers (it happened to be an even 50-50 guy girl). The atmosphere was both stress free and festive.
I didn’t know it at the time, and I still keep in contact with many of the surfers, but later came to the realization that many girls might have being trying to hook up. Im sure most guys in my position would have no problem, but Im on couchsurfing to learn about culture and hopefully have people to meet up with in their countries. I have had a few requests from women since, but now I try to keep my place filled with many surfers because women looking to hookup seem to be uninterested when they find the place is busy. This is my tip for anyone, guy or girl, to do because it seems that people are forced to be on their good behavior when there are many strangers around.
For those wondering, I have not (and will not) sleep with any surfers. I do have a girlfriend, who happens to live in South America (I live in Ireland at the moment). I did not realize for a long time why she was scared of me hosting, and I also discussed not hosting or only hosting guys. While I dont think she is comfortable with the idea, the assurance of many strangers seems to help comfort her a bit.
By the way if anyone needs a place to stay in Ireland let me know!
I think Airbnb is much safer than Couchsurfing in India and Srilanka,Bangladesh,Pakistan,etc.. The more you have knowledge about the place where you are travelling will keep you safe and you will enjoy the travel around the place……. Best of luck and if you want any help while travelling in india than mail me on [email protected]………..
I think couchsurfing is an awesome way to know more about different people and meet people from different countries…i joined couch surfing just before a month and my intention is and was is only to meet awesome people, spend some quality time with them and get to know and experience different culture. i mean if you meet people from different countries you come to know about their country and its almost like travelling for me( well not the same but still its awesome. so after joining i hosted a couple ( a hungarian girl and a guy) who were travelling together. I am quite a gentleman ( some use couchsurfing for one night stands and shit) but quite funny as well , so i made their day one of the best. I live in munich so i showed them around munich, then we went to newschwanstein and visited castles and at night we went to bar talked about our lives and how awesome it was to travel. finally after 2 days I had to say goodbye but it was really nice meeting them and they really liked me so much and we actually exchanged something to remember. In between I also showed munich cities to some people (both male and female) and it was quite fun. but once i hosted a girl from spain. she was beautiful but most importantly she was a very good person and i really connected with her. we had a great time in oktoberfest and at night we went to a club. it was really nice and I felt I should kiss her. But I was the hosting her so it made me guilty as well since I was not into showing that I hosted her to just kiss her. and believe me I had no intention of any one night stands or sex with her. I just wanted to show I liked her. So battling between whether to kiss or not , I spent my next 1.5 hours in great pain (yes it was quite nerving and difficult) but then I thought instead of regretting it later I should go for it. I did , but she turned her face away, and obviously she was not interested and i felt guilty a bit but not because I got rejected but because I tried to kiss my guest. But I brushed it away because me being low , will just ruin her night , so I tried to just dance and do some other shit and we also did some other funny shit ( we applied some chocolates to the door of the toilet and watched people thinking it was shit !!). In the end she was really happy and she even invited me to travel with her later, and she told I was a good host ( i hope it was not fake because I really tried my best). I believe that I did not make a mistake in going for the kiss even though I wish I met her outside rather than hosting her and I hope it did not create a bad impression on her about couch surfing.
Great Article :) I have some different opinions about this situation…
Why are female surfers more attractive to male hosters? Why do they have +3 invitations while guys have 0… C’mon let’s get real; Every male hoster thinks (at least once) to have sex with his surfers; they realize it or not but that happens…
When I host someone, I feel myself like working in hotel and feeling like I am trip advisor… Then I have other jobs besides my current one. I spend time, getting lack of sleep and such… Everyone is different, but god makes the boys (“MOST OF THEM”) addicted to SEX. I also can admit that SEX is the best thing of my life, Nothing enjoys me that much…
Imagine that Very beautiful Foreigner Girl went to sleep next to Tim’s room and Tim never had sex with that type of girl before, They enjoyed/laughed a lot together + eye connections hapened while talking, Tim Started to like the girl too much… Now The great combination comes up for Tim: “LOVE+SEX”… On the other hand, The Girl doesn’t have any interest in having something more than friendship with Tim… Tim simply can not understand why she refuses, Tim is average guy, not so good not so bad; at least had many girlfriends before so he has proved himself :)) is making the hoster Tim upset by rejecting the offer for only 10 minutes of enjoy better idea?
What would the girl lose with making Tim Happy?
Is the hoster Tim worse than the guys she slept before? If that is true, then she wouldn’t be alone and single now…
I simply do not understand, surfers come here to learn about cultures, travelling… Some hosters are looking for sex – They both see eachother and decide to live together for some period… That is not bad, this is the life! C’mon…
What are you talking about? Couchsurfing is not prostitution, and just because someone wants to have sex with one person, doesn’t mean she wants to have sex with EVERY person. Sex is not something nice to do for or to expect from someone. The only reason to have sex is because both of you want to.
And saying that well, what reason does she have to not upset Tim by having sex with him… it’s not just 10 minutes. If you make a girl feel that you will be upset if she doesn’t want to have sex with you… You’re getting dangerously close to something called RAPE.
No one owes you sex. Also, you’re calling her ‘alone and single’, well… maybe she doesn’t mind being single. Maybe she prefers being single to sleeping with a random guy.
For me, fortunately I haven’t felt comfortable in a couchsurfing situation before, even though I’ve stayed with mostly guys (for the simple reason that there just seem to be more guys than girls hosting in a lot of places). When I hear about guys using couchsurfing as a pick-up deal, I get kind of pissed off. Couchsurfing takes a lot of trust. You’re staying in a stranger’s home, you’re at their mercy.
If you really want to use couchsurfing as a hook-up website, make sure to CLEARLY SAY SO ON THE WEBSITE!
I’m not saying that sex is wrong; if it happens, it happens, no problem. What I do have a problem with is expecting it from your surfers, or trying to trick them. I’m a woman who often travels alone, and the thought being forced to choose between staying with someone who expects sex (And what will happen if you refuse? Are they gonna climb into bed with me at night? Are they gonna get drunk & grope me? I don’t know this person, so I don’t know what they’ll do!!) and wandering around a strange city at night with no place to stay.
I love couchsurfing with a passion, I’ve had nothing but positive experiences, and every single host I’ve stayed with has been very respectful. But if you try to make me feel guilty or uncomfortable for not wanting to have sex with you, I WILL report your ass.
I do agree with this topic so far. Since i been join CS since 2009 .been hosted more than 950 peoples so far. I could see this thing happened so often. For my side the member girl in my city they are more so open to pick up the new traveler visit my city for sex in general. as i saw and heard many storied.girl fighting with other coz of one man. Girl host only guy.Many girl local member became annoyed me so much and too much for me.when any guy after stay with them came to stay with me and keep talking about those girls are.Once time one guest of mind stay with me and the girl come to ask me to want my guest go to stay with her.many girl alway come around my place to pick up my guest for sex. i am feel pity to them and hate the way they doing and use cs for sex date.it good luck for me mostly people i host not do like them.
This is a very nice topic,
I agree with you dear. Actually in Turkey the people always try to ask the question from single trip girl. You know always happen the bad things what I know before. I was called policeman after the XX girl sent me message (the guy rape the single girl). I am not sure the CS how is going on in future. I hope the website boss have to find a way to stop how worst thing happen.
Thank you so much Angess
If you want to have sex you have sex,
If you don’t want to have sex you don’t have sex,
If you feel offended from something your host/guest says you FIRST tell him and try to talk with him, and AFTER leave a reference.
You judging what others want to do with couchsurfing looks like the Vatican saying to people in Africa to have sex without condom or saying you don’t have to masturbate.
Who are you to say what others have to do in their couchsurfing experience?
If a surfer has sex with all of his hosts, and the hosts are happy with this, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
People do what they want and gossiping around it is quite odd.
The worst of all is that when a boy likes a girl, and he does the first move, the girl will say that he almost raped her , etc…
When is the girl to do the first move then the boy has just to shout up!
It happened to me many times that my guests proposed me to have sex, when I didn’t like I just refused. If I feel uncomfortable I just say to them.
Hi Agness,
Interesting post. I have wider CS experience. I have hosted mostly girls. Not because i wanted sex. First year i still had a girlfriend living with and it was strange for me why i was getting so many girls request. Lately i got the tricky part that the girls feel more safe. This season i am without a girlfirend and i hosted almost the same amount of people, mostly girls. I am very polite person and i treat my guests very well and respectfull. But somethimes i really like some of them. I was thinking if i am missing something. I think the next summer i will try more open approach to those who i feel i would have closer. Just to clarify…i am not in CS mainly in that but why should i put boundaries on myself when it seem the girls are much more open to casual sex or maybe i can meet the girl of my life. I still remember one girl from scotland she was so warm and funny that i totally stuck on her but i made nothing. Ohhh yeah and one columbian girl tried to seduce me but ok…..she looked a little bit strange so i refused.
Please all don`t forget that this is the real life and people are different. Some are more open, some are more close. This is how the world spins.
Should i wait in the bar for girls just because this is the regular way?
I don`t think so…in nowerdays people have some many boundaries between themselves that we forget infact who we are and we limit our internal desire and possesions just because “it should not be this way” .
Best wishes and happy travelling
I like sex and I like traveling. If two people feel like it, why the hell not indulge. After all, there are few better ways than sex to feel alive and in the moment. (If someone needs to feel more of a commitment to indulge in sex, that’s okay too, of course. Let me observe that such logic is usually out of the window, even in someone pretty conservative, when feelings of romance/passion/magic are strong.)
I’m in a relationship now but I thought I’d ran some stats. I’ve only ever been hosted by girls because I get along better with them, for sure, but, mostly, because I enjoy the flirtatiousness of it and the possibilities: I like women, if they like me, why the hell not?!
Out of 11 girls who hosted me:
– 3 had a boyfriend and nothing happened
– 2 were single but I did not find them attractive
– 1 was single but I had a girlfriend
– 1 was not home much — but had a bag full of sex-toys by her bed
– 1 was single and we probably liked one another but nothing happened
– 1 had a boyfriend and I ended up sleeping with her girlfriend in the living-room
– 1 was single and I ended up sleeping with her friend in the living-room
– 1 was single and we slept together after I made sure she liked me
So that’s 3 out of 11.
I’m not proud of all those stories but most of them clearly are FUN memories where two adults ended up doing the nasty, just because they wanted to!
One of the funniest part:
I spend the night out with my host and her friend and end up kissing her friend, at one point, while it’s just the two of us. We all go back to my host’s apartment… After a while, my host decides she’s too tired and goes to sleep. After a minute or two, while we’re both on the couch, her friend says:
“We should probably turn the lights off a bit, to save some energy.”
She then proceeds to turn off the ceiling light and turn on a small lamp. After a while, we ended up turning the couch into a bed, trying to be very quiet, and had sex in it :P
wow, thanks for the great post! I’ve recently subscribed to couchsurfing but was still a bit skeptical about the safety of it all. Now I feel a bit more assured and gave me a heads up advice just in case someone does ask me to sleep with him.
My first couchsurfing will be in hawaii and I hope it turns out great!
Keeping my fingers crossed!
Hi there.
Ok a lot of opinions so i think the topic is clarified enough. Accourding to me Internet and couchsurfing as part of it is a reflection of the real life. We are all humans and declaring “this should not be this way” is pretty ok….lets say non sense. Declaring “yes this happens because the world goes this way and i am ok/not with this offers” is a real realm vision.
A simple story. I am from Balkans i hosted girl from Hungary. Ok….first we just met for a coffed but after all i hosted her for 2 nights. Very nice, charming girl, pretty intelligent. First night i was a little bit flirty but i think she was on the edge of deciding what to do. Then she suddenly called me for second night mostly because it was suitable for her to take the fligh. But ok we started chatting some flirting then at some time i said ” if you would like you can stay with me for the night” and she was like “i still don`t know yet because i don`t feel well” after that she decided to go to her room alone…so no problem. In the morning she was vomiting and dehidrated very fast so i had to take a free day off and take her to a hospital. I think she hit the star in this case because i am very taking care person so i was with her all the time holding her hand and helping her, dealing with the medical insurance and so on. She was extremely gratefull because of that and i felt it in her eyes and expecially when she took my hand and said “Thank you”. Ok i ended with no sex but i don`t care at all. This was not my first intention at all.
So i write this story just to light up the situation by a different side for the dissapointed people here. Please, just accept CS as the real world. It is much more possible to meet good boys and girls there and if you wish feel free to live your emotions and share something special with them.