I have been planning to write this post for weeks but my hectic schedule at the kindergarten has not let me. This weekend I decided to be strict with myself and find some time to finally sit and write what I have been trying to say about my
Before I start, let me explain what couchsurfing is for those who have never heard of it before.
What is Couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing has been created by Casey Fenton – an American who set up a web portal that offers its users hospitality exchange (you can host travelers or get hosted when traveling) and social networking services (helping each other with travel issues). The idea is very simple and the portal couchsurfing.org is getting bigger and bigger each day with more than one million registered users from more than 70.000 cities.
It’s free of charge and easy to set up. You just need to fill in some personal information, add some photos and get references to look more reliable. You can also get verified to show other members you are who you are saying you are.
Why couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing is a great way of exploring places on a budget without spending a lot of money on accommodation. Moreover, you can meet amazing people who can look after you and show you around the city. It’s a great alternative for solo travelers not to feel lonely or for those who are looking for new friendship and fun.
On the Couch is the story of Fleur Britten’s adventure staying on the couches of strangers abroad. If you’re thinking about couch surfing this is definitely a must-read – it’ll open your eyes to what you could expect. You can get the book here.
For me,
Is it safe?
In today’s world, nothing’s safe. Let’s face it. Same applies to
Couchsurfing vs. Sexsurfing
It’s getting more and more popular that girls pick up boys as their hosts and vice versa. Why? For some, it’s just someone who seems nice, but for others, there are more chances to have “no strings attached” free sex. I have heard of it before but never thought it might have been a true statement. As it turns out, it is. What’s even worse, it sounds so obvious to some people. Let me explain that on my example without mentioning any names. In total, I was hosted by 5 guys and 3 girls during my whole European backpacking. I was asked to have sex twice and 2 people were saying they were hoping to have sex before I had arrived and only one person did not mention anything about that.
I was shocked when I found out that some guys accept couchsurfing requests mostly from Slavic girls thinking they are easy to have sex with. I was even more surprised when I found out that a lot of girls are looking for one night stand as a part of their unforgettable couchsurfing experience.
I might sound like a 80-year-old granny right now, but I openly say NO to that. For me traveling is about seeing new places and not about having sex with random guys.
I sometimes felt uncomfortable with my hosts saying “The door to my bedroom is open all night”! When it happened once I was laughing and taking it as a joke, but it happened more than once. For me it’s simply inappropriate. I might be old-fashioned but for me it takes some time to open up to someone and gaining my trust is not that easy. I must be in love or at least feel a strong connection with the person I am going to sleep with.
The first time I came across Sexsurfing was in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I’ve heard some stories from local boys who hosted girls from all around the world and they slept with more than 3/4 of them. The guys were surprised of how easy it was to do that. I remember one guy saying “White girls are so easy and hot!” I thought they were joking but as it turns out girls are often more pushy than guys when it comes to sex.
The main reason for me for choosing male hosts were my personal preferences. I prefer to hang out with guys to be honest because they normally are funnier, they don’t argue over stupid stuff and I often learn a lot from them especially when it comes to travels. I’m not into shopping and gossiping that much so didn’t take female hosts into consideration. It was my mistake. As it turned out, I had a wonderful time with my Taiwanese girls in Prague and we still keep in touch, whereas some of my male hosts don’t even reply to my messages on Facebook (after I turned them down).
What shocks me the most is not the fact that a couchsurfer and a host might end up in a bed together, but the fact people use this portal to hunt girls for free sex and vice versa. I am now thinking of how many girls may not have a strong personality to refuse…
Getting a hotel room or hostel bed could be a better option if you’re not very good in saying no when you feel that way.
How about you? Do you agree? Have you had any Couchsurfing/Sexsurfing experience when traveling? Share your thoughts in comments.
I am really curious of what you might think and thank you in advance!
446 thoughts on “Couchsurfing or Sexsurfing? What is the Difference Nowadays?”
Your article is very interesting. I tried CS few month ago after strating by CS meeting and this was the worse experience of my entire life.
Do not trust good comments at all. I went to a guy place and he had good comments. I was scared at the beggining but the fact that it was a sharehouse and that he was very friendly with me make me feel confortable.
But at the end of the night after he showed me some lookout he acted very weired and try to slept with me and he was very unpleasant.
I will never try that again it’s too dangerous. I was surprised that nobody alerted the savety service before I did. I told to them my experience and they deleted his profile but I do not think it’s enough. The site have to do something to have more security.
I’m an example of the minority of male hosts who never offered or requested sex to their female guests. I host 80% girls and only 20% boys, because requests from women (and their profiles) are better, more authentic, less “copy/past”, more respectful of couchsurfing spirit. Honestly, I host most girls for another reason too: i live alone and spending a couple of days in the company of a nice girl is a breath of happyness for my soul, but this is no in case related to sex. It’s also true that when I host a pretty girl, I dream of how fantastic it would be if I could get into intimity with her, but I never go beyond this dream, and all phisical contact I have with them are innocent fraternal cheek-kisses and hugs. And this is fantastic, too.
forget sex, I want to know where I consented to be governed or taxed ???
as long as people consent it’s cool, even asking or suggesting is cool
everyone can say no. And it should be left at that, the more focus it’s given as an issue for couch surfing then that’s exactly what it will be come, attracting those types with that motive being the inspiration.
Men are pigs. Especially in the USA. End of story.
I must say that while it is possible that some people misuse the website couchsurfing it is definitely not intended for sex solicitation and great majority of people dont misuse it. infact i have never come across a situation like this personally or with other couchsurfers over the last 2 years. People have been great and we have made some very good friends.
People will do whatever they have to anyways
Great post! I’m excited to explore more.
Pozdrowienia:)
thank you for your well considered article about Couchsurfing Agness. As the mother of a daughter who recently left home to start university and who has dreams of traveling in the near future, I was startled to hear about sexsurfing. Couchsurfing I can understand buy sexsurfing was something I hadn’t even thought about. You remind me so much of my daughter who is enthusiastic, sociable, attractive and firmly ensconced in travel bug fever!Thankfully, she is very cautious, as you have shared. Thanks for sharing.
I only stayed once with a man on couchsurfing. It was in Portugal and he suggested a few times that he give me a massage. That just made me cringe.
You just can’t be naive when you stay with a man, anything can happen.
I’m somewhat saddened that some people use couchsurfing for sex, when it’s clearly not the purpose of CS. I have made some great friends and had wonderful experiences because of CS too.
I totally understand and share out the way you feel.
I feel less alone to read that awkward situations happened to other female couch surfers too!
I’m French and I’ve been using Couchsurfing many times during my Europe tour.
I think I used to be very “naive” to believe that people on Couchsurfing were all kind and open-minded, and just wanted to meet cool foreigners. Unfortunately that is not the case for everyone ! You actually have to be really careful, especially if you are a girl !!
Of course I’ve met cool people, but unfortunately I’ve also met a few guys who made me feel really uncomfortable and I wasn’t feeling totally “safe” with them.
For example, when I was in Berlin, I’ve had a pretty awkward experience with one of my host.
The first day, he was polite and respectful. But the second day, the dude proposed me several times if I wanted to sleep in his bed… God no !! And after that, while I was sitting on his couch, he sat next to me and started to touch me on a very inappropriate manner… What the fuck dude ???!! I was so shocked and ill-at-ease
I finally went to a youth hostel, and it was better that way.
It’s unbelievable that some dudes imagine that just because they are hosting a girl for a couple nights, they have the right to act as a real asshole and expect sex or whatever … that’s so sick to think that way !!
Be really careful girls, and really, don’t hesitate to leave the place if you feel uncomfortable !
Hi, Agnes,
It’s great to read your post as I am new to couchsurfing but I am going to have my first surfing this summer!
so, after u rejected their request, did they still host you ? or were you still willing to be hosted?
I understand the concerns completely, but for the original poster’s ostensible shock at the whole concept. Wha? You mean people are using this to hook up on vacation?? Seriously? Well I never!
Let’s be honest – “vacation sex” is no secret, especially in the calculus of younger women who indulge while on the road. After all, it “doesn’t even count” when you’re on vacation, does it? So no, she doesn’t sound like an 80 year old granny, but the fake surprise makes me think she’s projecting, just a bit. It’s your life – no sense getting sanctimonious with the rest of us.
If you are genuinely surprised that some strange guy you’re bunking with for the night could wonder if there are other possibilities and drops a verbal hint, would you be equally surprised if a gay man hosting a straight male single traveler did the same thing? What single straight man spends a vacation night at the home of a single gay man he meets over the internet? Ditto for single females vacationing and staying with single guys? So long as nobody does anything criminal or over the top creepy it’s hardly a surprise that some hosts might read into things just a bit. So long as that’s all that happens, it isn’t the end of the world – move on.
An interesting article. And I totally agree with you, Agness. I had some experience like that, but lucky me, when I pretended & ignored in a clever way, usually guys stopped. However, I mostly surfed & hosted female, so no worse experience.
I’m still using Couchsurfing today, because I almost travel solo. I guess in any other things on this world, there’re always bad & good sites. So I’ve tried my best to avoid bad site which you mentioned above, and reduce down to the lowest rate of giving chances for man doing that ;)
Just the way we have to protect ourselves, since it’s very natural & instinct for male/female in their sex need.
My bf, used CS to get sex. I didn’t notice this since we had a long distance relationship until we finally tried to get serious, I moved out to his country, and found ‘suspicious’ pics between him and his guests.
He got over 100 references and 95% are female (before and after we were together), and the males references were actually his real life friends. I believe he slept with 95% of them if not more.
According to what he admitted to me, the girls he slept with knew he got a gf but it didn’t matter because they were interested and romance with the host is part of their ‘Parisian’ travel experience.
Since then, I try to stay away from couchsurfers, males and females. I left him a negative reference as a man who seeks for sex, but yet there are still females staying at his place :).
Sounds like you had a sex addict as a boyfriend. Maybe he needs therapy…!!
I don’t understand why anyone would host a complete stranger for free anyway, I certainly wouldn’t, what would I gain by doing it? I’m not charity. It would make sense then that the lodger would offer sex as a sort of payment as the landlord gets nothing otherwise, he/she would make a monetary loss by hosting them. Scroungers trying to get something for nothing like the blogger! I find it extraordinary that hardly any women would go meet a complete stranger for a drink from ‘wechat,’ yet they’re prepared to spend a night under the same roof as a stranger in his house ALONE in a completely foreign country! Shockingly dangerous, its obvious to me the females are hedonistic hippy types who are after the ‘possibility’ of sex too. Think of the risks of having sex with these strangers, they could have disease or HIV, especially these dirty third world folks, you don’t know what they’re carrying or where they’ve been!
I’m a man so I know pretty well how men thing. Short and briefly:
“Men are always thinking about sex”
A man produces nearly 3500 sperms per second or just a 3.5 millions sperms/hours. A woman produce “Zero” over her whole life. Do you need more explanations?
This is a constant in men’s life, whether you are on Couchsurfing or anywhere else. And you will have the same problem with men until you become old enough to not be sexually appealing. That’s one thing teachers had to explain in school, but they don’t because is embarrassing. “Love” is very different in real live when compared the films. Sperms can’t wait to kiss you on the top of the Eiffel Tower. They live in a hurry for just 24 hours before dying.
In the mean time, be cautious!
(This is a message for all women reading this post)
I would not stay with guys who live on their own unless they had many positive verifications over 30 let say eg had been operating for a long time. Its putting yourself in a difficult situation and being 54 and having known alot of guys – perfectly respectable middle class guys – they can make fools of themselves and or get pushy especially if drinking. Stay with women as a single traveller and aim to meet up with “meet up “group with guys and gals in the city… is my advice.Also I would be very careful of showering etc in a mans house make sure there is a blind at the window etc.,and a lock on the door. I have been hosting for awhile now.That said not all men are like this!
What’s the fuss if people want to meet and enjoy intimacy with each other? It’s hardly shocking.
Hi
I surfed a lot trough almost Half Brasil within 14 Hosts for 2 and half Months and trough whole east china 1 Month I gotted 7 or 8 Hosts and in Berlin I gotted 4 or 5 hosts just 2 of them in Wuxi and Beijing was Guys the rest just girls and I had never sex with non of this mostly really pretty and very kindly girls and non of them ask or do something in that way. So I got to say just that gays who write sometimes and I never would go to them take the Cs Project not seriously and act so. The rest just interested in travel expierinces and something like that! But every lil´german child got just something like that if I told that in their heads! The thang is why you interested to know new people to have sex with them or to see that places and look what happend if you chill together!
As the starter, I’m sorry what you’ve been through.
Depends on your experiences, it’s hard to disagree or argue with you. I’m a Taiwanese host currently in Hualien. Personally, all of my experiences were so amazing and safe (until I’m writing this). For sure you might think it’s because I’m a guy, but as your statement, it’s both sides.
In my case, when I’m writing a request or an invitation, I’ll spell it out that I’m not a pervert. Maybe it’s not 100% can be trusted like you said, at least it would be better I think. If there’s next time that you use Couchsurfing, perhaps you can respectfully and specifically say your consideration first.
Last but not least, there are still lots of good people on the world, maybe you can give it one more chance.
Always enjoy traveling and do not let the sucks thing beat you, I think you’re stronger than that :)
Paul