I have been planning to write this post for weeks but my hectic schedule at the kindergarten has not let me. This weekend I decided to be strict with myself and find some time to finally sit and write what I have been trying to say about my
Before I start, let me explain what couchsurfing is for those who have never heard of it before.
What is Couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing has been created by Casey Fenton – an American who set up a web portal that offers its users hospitality exchange (you can host travelers or get hosted when traveling) and social networking services (helping each other with travel issues). The idea is very simple and the portal couchsurfing.org is getting bigger and bigger each day with more than one million registered users from more than 70.000 cities.
It’s free of charge and easy to set up. You just need to fill in some personal information, add some photos and get references to look more reliable. You can also get verified to show other members you are who you are saying you are.
Why couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing is a great way of exploring places on a budget without spending a lot of money on accommodation. Moreover, you can meet amazing people who can look after you and show you around the city. It’s a great alternative for solo travelers not to feel lonely or for those who are looking for new friendship and fun.
On the Couch is the story of Fleur Britten’s adventure staying on the couches of strangers abroad. If you’re thinking about couch surfing this is definitely a must-read – it’ll open your eyes to what you could expect. You can get the book here.
For me,
Is it safe?
In today’s world, nothing’s safe. Let’s face it. Same applies to
Couchsurfing vs. Sexsurfing
It’s getting more and more popular that girls pick up boys as their hosts and vice versa. Why? For some, it’s just someone who seems nice, but for others, there are more chances to have “no strings attached” free sex. I have heard of it before but never thought it might have been a true statement. As it turns out, it is. What’s even worse, it sounds so obvious to some people. Let me explain that on my example without mentioning any names. In total, I was hosted by 5 guys and 3 girls during my whole European backpacking. I was asked to have sex twice and 2 people were saying they were hoping to have sex before I had arrived and only one person did not mention anything about that.
I was shocked when I found out that some guys accept couchsurfing requests mostly from Slavic girls thinking they are easy to have sex with. I was even more surprised when I found out that a lot of girls are looking for one night stand as a part of their unforgettable couchsurfing experience.
I might sound like a 80-year-old granny right now, but I openly say NO to that. For me traveling is about seeing new places and not about having sex with random guys.
I sometimes felt uncomfortable with my hosts saying “The door to my bedroom is open all night”! When it happened once I was laughing and taking it as a joke, but it happened more than once. For me it’s simply inappropriate. I might be old-fashioned but for me it takes some time to open up to someone and gaining my trust is not that easy. I must be in love or at least feel a strong connection with the person I am going to sleep with.
The first time I came across Sexsurfing was in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I’ve heard some stories from local boys who hosted girls from all around the world and they slept with more than 3/4 of them. The guys were surprised of how easy it was to do that. I remember one guy saying “White girls are so easy and hot!” I thought they were joking but as it turns out girls are often more pushy than guys when it comes to sex.
The main reason for me for choosing male hosts were my personal preferences. I prefer to hang out with guys to be honest because they normally are funnier, they don’t argue over stupid stuff and I often learn a lot from them especially when it comes to travels. I’m not into shopping and gossiping that much so didn’t take female hosts into consideration. It was my mistake. As it turned out, I had a wonderful time with my Taiwanese girls in Prague and we still keep in touch, whereas some of my male hosts don’t even reply to my messages on Facebook (after I turned them down).
What shocks me the most is not the fact that a couchsurfer and a host might end up in a bed together, but the fact people use this portal to hunt girls for free sex and vice versa. I am now thinking of how many girls may not have a strong personality to refuse…
Getting a hotel room or hostel bed could be a better option if you’re not very good in saying no when you feel that way.
How about you? Do you agree? Have you had any Couchsurfing/Sexsurfing experience when traveling? Share your thoughts in comments.
I am really curious of what you might think and thank you in advance!
446 thoughts on “Couchsurfing or Sexsurfing? What is the Difference Nowadays?”
if you are a women wanting to couch surf and you in no way would want to sleep with your host then DONT stay with men stay with women its that simple..
Women should stay with Women if they dont want to worry about sex its that simple.. stop being shocked when a guy tries it on its nature
My friend and I couch surfed around california this summer (two girls) and we mostly stayed with male hosts, again partly preference of our personalities, partly because the majority of hosts were male.
In total we stayed with about 15 different people and sadly, had 1 bad experience out of those 15. It was really surprising as two of us travelling and staying together thought we would be safe, however when alcohol gets involved, inappropriate advances can be made, and people get taken advantage of. We’re not naive girls, in fact quite savvy, however I think we got swept up in the travelling experience having such a good time with all our other hosts that we let our guards down a little bit.
I’m sad to say we had one bad CS experience because i really love this project and i completely want to have faith in people. The next week we wrote an honest review of what had happened with this man (who had 100+ positive reviews) and bravely, someone else came forward and said they’d also had a bad experience with him.
I completely disagree that couch surfing is becoming sex surfing! 90% of the men we stayed with were lovely and we enjoyed a platonic relationship with.
The other sad truth is that whilst travelling, we met two other solo female travellers couch surfing, and they both said they’d had one bad experience each. I think there are just some dodgy guys out there, and they should be dealt with properly within the community and consequently outed.
well, Couch-surfing is a great place to do pretty much anything, for safety matter better to trust the number of references each person can have. its not like if you are a girl should only host by a girl or vice-versa for the guys
anyway, nice article and i do recommend to add some more photo
Zay
I don’t see the problem here.
If you don’t want that possibility,
just choose a female host.
yeah.. I totally agree with Agness.. here in India the same trend is approaching “couchsurfing to sexsurfing”. pervert boys planing to hook up with gals, where gals looking to explore expensive night clubs for free with one night stand (optional). I faced it when i communicated to a teenage gal to take a tour together of a city. Her profile was speaking of her being a down-to-earth, tourist, rational, well-mannered girl. In real she turned to be a party/night club freak. It was shocking when she posed a condition “that she will meet only if i would bring her a gold watch and promising her to pick up in a taxi/car”. All is done when conditions are fulfilled.
I have ben listening stories from guys that “it is an ezy platform get laid down than other social sites like facebook” and u can have choices there.
I have been hosting since 2006 (started on hospitality club). The first few years, it never came to my mind, that this might be about sex. I hosted young and old (50+), guys and girls, singles and large groups, people with disabilities (deaf & wheelchair) with dogs, rats, baby(!) and whatever they brought to my home.
I think around 2009 the composition of the people that requested me changed radically for the first time: the diverse group of all-around ‘funny’, interesting and non-ordinary people were replaced my more and more party groups and free-loaders raiding the city with their EasyJet tickets. After a while I was fed up with this and put some serious words on my profile what exactly I do not want to host. It basically says: You won’t get hosted unless you have 3+ vouchers, 30+ references or write a *really* good request.
Since then I’m stuck with girls. I don’t get any requests from guys no more and I think the original audience is long gone to other communities (any suggestions?). These girls are all very nice, often ‘highly decorated’ in the community and a *considerable* amount of them is pushy for sex. So nowadays my expectation when hosting is: one third of them are genuine great people to talk with, the other third I turn out not to like that much and just provide them with whatever they need to be happy and the rest of them are there for the sex. Well, whatever – I play along.
During my travels I have never got a suggestion to have a sex. Maybe at the beggining I always suggest what I like and what are my priorities. My hosts usually are men usually and I have great contact with them, I always treat them as my brothers. Somethimes I get a message to meet and have a sex. At the beggining I reacted with anger and answered like “how can you do this , it is not this kind of website” but now I am more tolerant. Who am I to decide how each person has to spend his time , maybe he wants to have sex by CS. You can simply answer “no, thank you” and go on:)
So many comments and so many different opinions, that it was impossible to read them all. But as an somewhat experienced couchsurfer i would like to respond to the topic if there is a difference between Couchsurfing and Sexsurfing…
My opinion is a big YES. There is a difference. Also i have seen the website been changing from ‘hippie’ to the ‘new-way-pick-up-girls’. It’s short to go that way, but there have been changes going on.
I think my way of thinking is: As a host i should NEVER insist, try, ask or in whatever way to have sex with my surfer. I am in a way responsible for the persons wellbeing and safety when i accept a request. I have a higher level of power, because that person relies on me as a host, i offer a bed and the other person could feel guilty to refuse. This situation should be prevented. It’s not the underlying idea of Couchsurfing (it’s not a dating website remember?).
As a surfer you SHOULD respect your host. In that situation you are more open to me to ask for more when there is a good click. But the first move should come from the surfer, never from the host.
My own experience in having sex with a couchsurfer was because we fell in love and started a relationship, but only after she and her girlfriend already stayed for several weeks in our house. So in that way we were already friends who find something more. Good things can happen to.
What worries me is when i look around on couchsurfing, the way you can invite other couchsurfers to your home who are in the neighberhood and only girls are invited. Especially alone travelling girls are the ones who have a invitation of 3+, the rest is wandering around hoping to find someone… it’s strange, it feels wrong… there have been a change…
Ps. I would love to read the thesis :)
Hi i have been a Host of various couch surfing two begin with ww the other with H,i have hosted over 400 visitors from all over the world most have been a very good cultural experiance however the subject of free sex with a host has been around a very long time and is for real.
The Organisations are super sensitive to any referance to “sex”they have their heads in the shit they create.
The trend now is for the new out of school females to use their bodys to get free accomodation and experiance all that is available,better than going on these bus tours that are little more than travelling brothels and getting drunk in the backpackers!!
Agness I would like to thank you for publishing this article. I am bran new members to couchsurfing and the reason that I found your blog is because I had a suspicion towards some guy who offered me housing and stated that he host only women.
Santiago, it is so disturbing, regardless if you are a man or a woman to compare hosting in a private house to a public bar or pub. So since you hosted so many people, I guess you require that people treat your private house as a public place like a bar for example. I am not saying anything that YOU HAVENT SAID about yourself.
Its terrible to arrive at a host’s who I think would be interested in cultural exchange, language exchange and learning from each other’s as traveler, just to hear some statements like “the door of my bedroom is open for you all night”. It is disguising.
The other factor that raised a red flag on the website is the feedback that women left for guys who they have been hosted by. Unbelievable!!
These women clearly looked mainly for sex. There is nothing wrong with that but the problem is that it makes it hard to find members who are true to what they say they offer and this is in English called deception.
When I am travelling I want to feel safe at the place that I am staying at.
I also heard that some hosts would host people so to get their daily living expenses covered by the person they host for example they would go out with you and then tell you they are broke and expect you to pay for drinks, then breakfast the next day and so on and so forth.
I just discovered this website and I am going to think on how I am going to use the service that they offer on the website.
Thank you!
I hope if I ever do couch surfing , that I don’t stay with a family who are cannibals!!!
Hi. First of all, its interesting to see how many people are posting their responses about this topic. If it shows anything it is an indicator of how controversial this service is. It is not based on anything rather than common sense.
I have signed up myself to the website only a short time ago after I was introduced to the website through some guy who told me about the website and that he is a member on the website.
Since I am traveling to Bologna, Italy as its on my way to a meditation treat that is nearby the city, I was looking for tips on what to do in Bologna. I never asked the guy about accommodation and it never crossed my mind to ask a man to host me. I dont have anything against the idea, but I didnt know that there is such a service out there.
As I have found out in the past few days, there are several websites who provide this service.
In reference to the sex dating that happens on the website between members, I read tons of posts from men, and occasionally from some women (who are brave to say what they want openly- which by the way is an admirable trait as for itself) who actually not only get engage in sexual relationship with each other but they dont think about it twice before doing it In other words, they are very open to share their bodies with strangers. On one post a guy stated that a woman he met suggested sex after 15 minutes!!!
I dont know why people do something like this and hide it? If two adults want to have a casual sexual relationship and its in the open and clear to both, then its up to them but when someone offer hospitality and hide their real intentions for me that is a red flag.
If I want to have a physical contact with someone it has to be based on more than that. But to use the service to invite women in a way or another- to have a fling, is repulsive. Someone I chatted with about this issue said that its like meeting someone in a bar which I dont agree. In a bar when you meet a guy, you are not looking to be hosted with your luggage in his apartment nor you expect him to give you some guide or hospitality.
When you are hosted by someone, you are in a way putting some trust in the person you were willing to be hosted by, that you dont put in a guy who you meet in a bar.
Both men and women know that we women give a lot of NOs more than Yes’s in a bar. Not all women though BUT IN GENERAL.
I want that women have the courage to admit what they are after, just as I ask men to do the same. Women are also sleazy on this topic. All these feedback that women THINK that they are encoded its just a joke. Signing off like “best friend” “close friend” to a guy she just met last night!! seriously!?
What even worse, is that these women are mature women with careers not always 20 year old college student who just left daddy’s. That really makes me think. Why it makes me thin??. Because these women are the same women who think that they never deserve to be treated well. Period!.
They think if he treated me with flowers, I have to give him something precious. I feel sad for women like these and I feel that I want to encourage them to stand their ground. Dont give away your integrity or your body to someone who offered you hospitality!. Why a woman would do such a think to herself???
This of course doesn’t include all women and also not all men. Some men are respectful on that site.
Thank you for reading.
Hi, I just found this webpage https://www.cocksurfing.com/
I am an experimented couchsurfer, and I defend and like the original idea from this web.
But in the other hand, I confess I use couchsurfing sometimes to met new guys. That´s why I like this concept, mix of couchsurfing and gay meeting community.
I just want to ask for some others experiences before signin.
Somebody?
Hi how you doing?good I hope.I have a quick question…Is it possible find a place to my wife and me?Thank you.
Couchsurfing is still great but there is 10% men being a problem on the site. In Dubai for example, if a woman is raped, she would be jailed for this. It is like in Pakistan where 80% of the women jailed are jailed because having being raped. The same law applies. Every time I try nicely to inform women about this, as I surfed not knowing, and took stupid risks, the men on the site, mostly from Pakistan, always delete my comments. And the thing is the safety team seems to always be on their side, saying no women rights activism. In fact it was so obvious the last letter I received from the safety team from a certain Caytee, that I started to have doubt about this Caytee being a woman and being based in United States. As we all know a lot of companies locate their on line services in India. And in India, a lot of workers are from Pakistan as well. So I thought but would it be possible Caytee would be a Pakistanese man, based in India? And if yes, so is it legal from Couchsurfing to pretend to have a safety team run by women in United States when it is in fact men based in India? Which would explain the lack of banner and information in Dubai and the will to not inform women about their rights.
Hi!
I started my coush surfing adventure with hosting. I live in Oslo, one of the most expensive cities in the world, so I get a lot of couch requests.
I come from Poland, and my girlfriend is still there, finishing her studies.
Some of female surfers that were staying in my place, tried to have sex with me – since I don’t want to cheat, it didn’t happen. Still every time, I was so embarrassed…
Even if girl is not alone here, but with hers friends, she waits untill everyone else fall asleep, and get into my bed!
It is 50% chance of that to happen. I started to host only couples and boys…
It would be very nice to have option ‘sex available’/’looking for sex’ on couch surfing web page, and people using it!
Congras on the brave comment. I totall agree with you in regards to some people looking for sex any way possible. Besides,i am considering your tips/reccommendations on traveling safe. Thanks for that, too. That´s why, i plan to travel with my wife to Brazil and be cautious on how to proceed. Likewise you are invited to come to Costa Rica and my family and I will be happy to show you around.
Interesting points really… I’ve been an active member (on the hosting side mainly) of CS for nearly 7 years, and this is only the second time I’m receiving information like it’s a big deal.
The first one was a negative reference I just happened to come across with, stating that the guest was slightly harassed (not a big deal as far as I remember, the police was not involved at least… May be just a little bit of discomfort).
But it’s a fact that some people mockingly say that CS stands for casual-sex and it must have some grounds at least.
However, I still have to say that I have heard no complaints whatsoever from my guests (not only about myself, on CS in general), whose numbers exceeded 50, if I count correctly.
Moreover, CS is a community over 5 million members, which means there are all kinds of people. So it would be wise to be a little bit picky about who you’re going to stay with. Reading the whole profile, including the references, is advised for a reason, I belive.
A guy here in Australia offering coach surfing on the site was just recently caught with cameras in the bathroom. I think you are very naive to believe that this does not go on a lot and is the main reason some guys offer it. They may not ask you directly for sex but they are filming your every move.