I have been planning to write this post for weeks but my hectic schedule at the kindergarten has not let me. This weekend I decided to be strict with myself and find some time to finally sit and write what I have been trying to say about my
Before I start, let me explain what couchsurfing is for those who have never heard of it before.
What is Couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing has been created by Casey Fenton – an American who set up a web portal that offers its users hospitality exchange (you can host travelers or get hosted when traveling) and social networking services (helping each other with travel issues). The idea is very simple and the portal couchsurfing.org is getting bigger and bigger each day with more than one million registered users from more than 70.000 cities.
It’s free of charge and easy to set up. You just need to fill in some personal information, add some photos and get references to look more reliable. You can also get verified to show other members you are who you are saying you are.
Why couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing is a great way of exploring places on a budget without spending a lot of money on accommodation. Moreover, you can meet amazing people who can look after you and show you around the city. It’s a great alternative for solo travelers not to feel lonely or for those who are looking for new friendship and fun.
On the Couch is the story of Fleur Britten’s adventure staying on the couches of strangers abroad. If you’re thinking about couch surfing this is definitely a must-read – it’ll open your eyes to what you could expect. You can get the book here.
For me,
Is it safe?
In today’s world, nothing’s safe. Let’s face it. Same applies to
Couchsurfing vs. Sexsurfing
It’s getting more and more popular that girls pick up boys as their hosts and vice versa. Why? For some, it’s just someone who seems nice, but for others, there are more chances to have “no strings attached” free sex. I have heard of it before but never thought it might have been a true statement. As it turns out, it is. What’s even worse, it sounds so obvious to some people. Let me explain that on my example without mentioning any names. In total, I was hosted by 5 guys and 3 girls during my whole European backpacking. I was asked to have sex twice and 2 people were saying they were hoping to have sex before I had arrived and only one person did not mention anything about that.
I was shocked when I found out that some guys accept couchsurfing requests mostly from Slavic girls thinking they are easy to have sex with. I was even more surprised when I found out that a lot of girls are looking for one night stand as a part of their unforgettable couchsurfing experience.
I might sound like a 80-year-old granny right now, but I openly say NO to that. For me traveling is about seeing new places and not about having sex with random guys.
I sometimes felt uncomfortable with my hosts saying “The door to my bedroom is open all night”! When it happened once I was laughing and taking it as a joke, but it happened more than once. For me it’s simply inappropriate. I might be old-fashioned but for me it takes some time to open up to someone and gaining my trust is not that easy. I must be in love or at least feel a strong connection with the person I am going to sleep with.
The first time I came across Sexsurfing was in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I’ve heard some stories from local boys who hosted girls from all around the world and they slept with more than 3/4 of them. The guys were surprised of how easy it was to do that. I remember one guy saying “White girls are so easy and hot!” I thought they were joking but as it turns out girls are often more pushy than guys when it comes to sex.
The main reason for me for choosing male hosts were my personal preferences. I prefer to hang out with guys to be honest because they normally are funnier, they don’t argue over stupid stuff and I often learn a lot from them especially when it comes to travels. I’m not into shopping and gossiping that much so didn’t take female hosts into consideration. It was my mistake. As it turned out, I had a wonderful time with my Taiwanese girls in Prague and we still keep in touch, whereas some of my male hosts don’t even reply to my messages on Facebook (after I turned them down).
What shocks me the most is not the fact that a couchsurfer and a host might end up in a bed together, but the fact people use this portal to hunt girls for free sex and vice versa. I am now thinking of how many girls may not have a strong personality to refuse…
Getting a hotel room or hostel bed could be a better option if you’re not very good in saying no when you feel that way.
How about you? Do you agree? Have you had any Couchsurfing/Sexsurfing experience when traveling? Share your thoughts in comments.
I am really curious of what you might think and thank you in advance!
446 thoughts on “Couchsurfing or Sexsurfing? What is the Difference Nowadays?”
Can I tell it from the other side, at least speaking for myself? I live in Edinburgh, Scotland, and offer both normal ‘couchsurfing’ and also what you call sexsurfing (I call it bedsurfing) for any consenting adult who is happy with that sort of arrangement, which I attract with clear and open ads in places like OKcupid.
The normal couchsurfers I will be 100% respectful towards, and never drop as much as the slightest innuendo. But with the bedsurfers I’m upfront and it’s all freely negotiated in advance, chatting and swapping identities to make sure we both feel safe and clear about everything.
I even say upfront in my ads that I’m open to any of these connections turning into an LTR. But meanwhile it’s a way for me to get a cuddle-and-a-bit-more now and again without being sleazy or dishonest. And for travellers who are sexually open, it saves them money while staying in a much nicer place than a hostel, with hopefully some happy memories to take away.
Apart from offending a few busy-bodies’ idea of morality, I’m not sure where the problem lies with that.
I didn’t know about this website but now i know about it and i will singup today. Agness if you think about india then you can stay with at my place. I will not ask for sex
I had one female couch surfer request to stay with me and it transpired that the purpose of her visit was that she wanted to lose her verginity to me! I was quite surprised, but it made for an interesting hosting experience! People are people and most women like sex just as much as guys. It’s just women are hyper sensitive to being seen as slutty. If you use couch surfing right it can be a very safe and informed way of meeting people for whatever kind of encounter your are looking for.
Thank god you had such a strong personality. Or perhaps we could moralise each other a bit less and let everyone live their lives as they please.
I think consenting adults can do what they like.
However, for those on here who are saying things like ‘everyone should be promiscuous’ or ‘anyone who thinks sex is precious is just socially conditioned’ – you are wrong.
The fact is, women release lots of oxytocin when they have sex. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone (also involved in breastfeeding.) Men don’t release much oxytocin during sex. So many women, when having casual sex, will end up feeling more bonded to their casual male sexual partner than the other way round.
That’s why women have a hard time separating emotions from sex.
On the other hand, obviously not all men see sex as something casual.
Men can move on quickly from sexual encounters, whereas women are more likely to feel upset if he doesn’t call or acknowledge that something special took place between them.
So by all means go have casual sex, but don’t be surprised if it doesn’t feel great afterwards.
Hey Agnes
It was an interesting read although I didn’t agree with some parts of what you wrote.
But something I don’t understand:
Why don’t you write on your couchsurfing profile:
“not looking to hook up”, or “not looking for one night stand”, I think even the men looking for hooking up will appreciate that kind of honesty plus I saw quite a few women in the platform that are doing that.
Also when you message your host you can write that fact during the chat with the host, or throw a casual comment like: “I left my boyfriend at home and decided to go traveling…”
There are quite a few easy ways to avoid the situations you mentioned and it’s all in your hands.
Thanks for the post
I think, peope who want to have sex should be adult enough to communicate it honestly. Not trying to trick somebody into a sexual situation. We are living in the 21st century!
I’m around 35, almost 8 years of CS experience, around 21 hosts and 21 guests, with similar numbers of men and women (an old woman and a family too), I was guest also of a gay man. People from all the continents.
Try to believe me when I say that I’ve always tried to treat everybody in the same way don’t thinking to their gender.
I had sex with two girls. With one I had it time after the hosting experience (it was starting to be a relationship), with the other one it happened during the first night and continued for some weeks in a kind of relationship.
In other two occasions at least I had the feeling that the girl was flirting, but I wasn’t sure and I wasn’t of the mood so being in doubt I preferred to keep the distance. Women made always the first step.
The point is: if you decide to stay with somebody it’s probably because you have something in common, and sharing a house with somebody of the opposite gender, when you are both straight, you have shared interests, there isn’t a huge difference in age, could lead to some sexual activity. It’s nature and there isn’t anything wrong about it.
Of wrong there is that lot of men (and I guess some women too) have it as first goal.
These are the rules of the game, it’s a beautiful game which can improve your travel experience a lot and which can help in making everlasting friendships/relationships, but there are also risks which should be known (read the history of the Italian policeman Dino Maglio).
I totally agree with your thoughts. And even more I question myself: why isn’t it written in the profiles? It looks like a huge lie to me, when there are people of any gender are hoping or wishing for sex, but don’t comunicate it! That is like in the 1950s! Acting nice and telling lies in the references. Actually I love sex. But I am absolutely into putting the cards on the table. Everything else is childish behavior.
So this is, what censorship in internet actually does to people. It creates lies. And the funny thing about it: you just have to look which hosts invite what people, and you get the answer. But it is never mentioned. Honestly: that is so poor…
I used Couchsurfing for the first time during a trip around the US. In total I stayed with 4 males and 1 female, the rtio only because that’s who was available. Luckily none of the hosts I stayed with were interested in sleeping with me but I did have one host offer me a place to stay in New York, his profile stayed it was a shared room when I questioned him on it he revealed it was a shared bed which was not made apparent in his profile. The tips I found online were if you see a male host who has only ever or largely only hosted females or who specifies a preference to hosting females it may be reason to be aware. Of course it’s not a definite that they are wanting to hook up with guests but especially if you are travelling alone or using cs for the first time it’s something to think about
I went to Pisco, Peru for three months in order to do reconstruction work after a huge earthquake destroyed the city. My entire mindset was to go there and help out; dating was the last thing on my mind. Keep in mind that Peru is a bit dangerous as travel destinations go. The volunteer organization hosted about a hundred international volunteers on any given day with most of them there for no more than two weeks, let’s say. Looking back I guess I can say that I was quite strong on average and a very capable person, clever & nice, etc. Perhaps 50% of the volunteers were girls and most of them in their young twenties. It felt to me like at least half the people there had the mindset of partying and fooling around. I found this surprising for some reason. On side trips to other destinations I met two single girls who were traveling and seeing the sites. I greeted them warmly and hung out with both of them and of course made no suggestions of “getting to know them closer” or anything like that. I felt like I was playing the part of the silent bodyguard. When I parted with each of them they looked at me as if I were some sort of super-guy or something… so I’m guessing that the average guy maybe would try to hookup or take advantage in a similar situation. I do think that it’s possible to travel and to be a gentleman (in my case at least).
Interesting article and comments … but I seem to have had much different encounters than most. I am a 68 year old male (a long time bachelor who divorced in 1982), and have both hosted and been hosted for the past 5-6 years primarily in the US, and primarily with females. In my experience (anecdotally), there has been some sort of sex at least 50% of the time – probably more. It doesn’t seem very dependent upon age or culture as much as common interests and it goes without saying – chemistry. I have stayed at “nudist” and non-nudist houses and that doesn’t seem to make a difference either – although one of the most blatant moves were from a young nudist couple HAHA. The most enjoyable part has been the several special friendships formed – one French lady who had planned to stay for 2 days actually spent almost 2 months – and who has nearly changed my mind about remaining a bachelor!