I have been planning to write this post for weeks but my hectic schedule at the kindergarten has not let me. This weekend I decided to be strict with myself and find some time to finally sit and write what I have been trying to say about my
Before I start, let me explain what couchsurfing is for those who have never heard of it before.
What is Couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing has been created by Casey Fenton – an American who set up a web portal that offers its users hospitality exchange (you can host travelers or get hosted when traveling) and social networking services (helping each other with travel issues). The idea is very simple and the portal couchsurfing.org is getting bigger and bigger each day with more than one million registered users from more than 70.000 cities.
It’s free of charge and easy to set up. You just need to fill in some personal information, add some photos and get references to look more reliable. You can also get verified to show other members you are who you are saying you are.
Why couchsurfing?
Couchsurfing is a great way of exploring places on a budget without spending a lot of money on accommodation. Moreover, you can meet amazing people who can look after you and show you around the city. It’s a great alternative for solo travelers not to feel lonely or for those who are looking for new friendship and fun.
On the Couch is the story of Fleur Britten’s adventure staying on the couches of strangers abroad. If you’re thinking about couch surfing this is definitely a must-read – it’ll open your eyes to what you could expect. You can get the book here.
For me,
Is it safe?
In today’s world, nothing’s safe. Let’s face it. Same applies to
Couchsurfing vs. Sexsurfing
It’s getting more and more popular that girls pick up boys as their hosts and vice versa. Why? For some, it’s just someone who seems nice, but for others, there are more chances to have “no strings attached” free sex. I have heard of it before but never thought it might have been a true statement. As it turns out, it is. What’s even worse, it sounds so obvious to some people. Let me explain that on my example without mentioning any names. In total, I was hosted by 5 guys and 3 girls during my whole European backpacking. I was asked to have sex twice and 2 people were saying they were hoping to have sex before I had arrived and only one person did not mention anything about that.
I was shocked when I found out that some guys accept couchsurfing requests mostly from Slavic girls thinking they are easy to have sex with. I was even more surprised when I found out that a lot of girls are looking for one night stand as a part of their unforgettable couchsurfing experience.
I might sound like a 80-year-old granny right now, but I openly say NO to that. For me traveling is about seeing new places and not about having sex with random guys.
I sometimes felt uncomfortable with my hosts saying “The door to my bedroom is open all night”! When it happened once I was laughing and taking it as a joke, but it happened more than once. For me it’s simply inappropriate. I might be old-fashioned but for me it takes some time to open up to someone and gaining my trust is not that easy. I must be in love or at least feel a strong connection with the person I am going to sleep with.
The first time I came across Sexsurfing was in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I’ve heard some stories from local boys who hosted girls from all around the world and they slept with more than 3/4 of them. The guys were surprised of how easy it was to do that. I remember one guy saying “White girls are so easy and hot!” I thought they were joking but as it turns out girls are often more pushy than guys when it comes to sex.
The main reason for me for choosing male hosts were my personal preferences. I prefer to hang out with guys to be honest because they normally are funnier, they don’t argue over stupid stuff and I often learn a lot from them especially when it comes to travels. I’m not into shopping and gossiping that much so didn’t take female hosts into consideration. It was my mistake. As it turned out, I had a wonderful time with my Taiwanese girls in Prague and we still keep in touch, whereas some of my male hosts don’t even reply to my messages on Facebook (after I turned them down).
What shocks me the most is not the fact that a couchsurfer and a host might end up in a bed together, but the fact people use this portal to hunt girls for free sex and vice versa. I am now thinking of how many girls may not have a strong personality to refuse…
Getting a hotel room or hostel bed could be a better option if you’re not very good in saying no when you feel that way.
How about you? Do you agree? Have you had any Couchsurfing/Sexsurfing experience when traveling? Share your thoughts in comments.
I am really curious of what you might think and thank you in advance!
446 thoughts on “Couchsurfing or Sexsurfing? What is the Difference Nowadays?”
Boys try to pick up girls and what the problem . It makes me want to couchsurf.
I decided to write my opinion about my gay couch surfing experiences. I had hosted three times two were great and one was not so great. However all those experiences were way better then my first time using the service to surf. One place I went to was dirty and had one room and one bed and that was not clear from the ad. The host let me in and immediately went on his computer and wasn’t friendly at all. The other person was negative and did not but complain the whole time about everything from his neighbors to his hot tub to his trip to Europe in both cases I had to check into a hotel late at night. My advise is talk to the person before you go if its in the USA with foreign stats your out of luck or maybe Skype. You need to get a feel if it will be a good fit for you and e-mail doesn’t cut it. Also ask questions some of the ads are not accurate. Further have a plan B you need a backup. I don’t think that highly of the site rules and the people that work there. A surfer can review you even if they just meet you and you never stay at there place. They can give their opinion of you and the negative review stays on so it becomes a he said she said. Personalities do clash I think the reviews should be strictly about what type of guest you were. There is also a lot of discrimination on the site and I mean based on age, and gender. People have to realize this is not a dating site.
Hello Agness and Anyone else Reading,
Thank you for this! I’m not sure if you will actually get this, but if you do I would love to hear your reply (I’ve never commented on a blog). I will be traveling Europe in aug/sept and I for the most part will be staying with friends, but I did want to got to some locations where I don’t have friends living like paris, some places in italy and uk. I really appreciate you writing about the female experience of couchsurfing. I heard about couchsurfing when I lived in Asia and heard that it wasn’t really recommended for females traveling alone. So I was wondering your thoughts on females traveling alone using couchsurfing. This will save me so much money that I would love to save :)!
1. Would you recommend me (22 yr f) using couchsurfing while traveling alone?
2. How do you go about choosing who you will stay with?
3. Advice?
Thank You So Much!
Best,
Bianca
Hi Bianca,
First of all, thank you so much for your comment. I read them all and I really appreciate the fact people share their experiences, thoughts and feelings here. I’m happy to hear about your summer plans to travel Europe! You will fall in love with Paris!! Let me know if you’re planning to visit Poland, my friends can host you either in Wroclaw, Krakow or Warsaw.
Answering your questions, I think that couchsurfing has changed a lot. My female friends used it over 2-3 years ago when travelling in Asia and North America and their experiences were amazing. They were hosted mostly by male hosts. They met amazing people and made friends which last till now. Nowadays, people hope to get laid, stay at someone’s place for free, party a lot and “occasionally” speak to their hosts. I’m not saying it’s always like that, but I can see the pattern here. I still strongly believe, although I had some bad cs experience, that this is a great way of exploring places like a local, meeting great people, making friends and enjoying yourself. I stopped couchsurfing for a while and I still host people (spent amazing time with French girl who stayed at mine for a week some time ago and a Polish guy who I was hosted for more than 10 days a month ago). If you are a female and want to couchsurf, I would recommend you to look for female hosts. I know there are definitely more male hosts out there, but try your best to find female hosts. That would be much safer and you would feel more comfortable I guess.
You can also use cs chats and forums where hosts/couchsurfers from a particular city/town arrange meetings and keep each other posted on latest events. You can sign for it and meet great people (firstly online, then in person). Once you meet them and like them, you can decide to couchsurf at their places (if they of course are willing to host you).
When choosing your host, please don’t forget to check his/her references, travel photos, profile description, interests, etc. The more references, the better. If you see any negative references, just ignore this person. If any of his/her photos are a bit controversial or inappropriate, you shouldn’t also consider this person as your host. Check if you have any common interests, how this person describes himself/ herself, check his/her Facebook profile (if it’s not fake or something). Final advice: try to contact your host a few weeks before you arrive at his/her place. Arrange Skype meeting or chat so you can get to know each other. Don’t be too scared of meeting people, but at the same time be careful and don’t trust them easily.
Hope that helps. If you have more questions, just let me know!
Hi Agnes,
I’m not trying to be self righteous but i’ll give my opinion anyway.
Couchsurfing is not intentioned for no strings attached type of thing so if members are just after a hook up they should join an adult service. No wonder why STDs are increasing among young people!
I’m not against two people having sex as long as it happens in a natural/ spontaneous way but not looking for free sex without even getting to know each other first, that’s rude and promiscuous in my opinion. What ever happened to romance and chemistry between a couple first?
If you’re a surfer, you’re already getting to stay at someone’s places for free, now asking for free sex is a bit too much.
As for hosts, I believe having sex in exchange of free accommodation is prostitution and sexual abuse. Gils who agree with that type of thing are really dumb and easy, smart ones charge for their service aka escorts.
I would never trust a guy who uses the service that way.
I’m a CS member for a couple of years but haven’t used the service yet. Now i’m even more cautious after reading your post.
Just to emphasize I am not against casual sex as long as two individuals get along and feel it’s the right time but using Couchsurfing for that matter is wrong.
Agnes, you made the point, of course couchsurfing can be used as a way of having sex. I am one of those guys, but I am 100% respectful with the people contact me and mature enough to understand when sex could be an option and when not.
My profile pictures are all showing muscles, I know a lot of women prefer my place over others just because of my look, so when they decide to stay with me sometimes is because they have something in mind.
At the end of the day I get really good reviews, no matter if something happened or not.
I am not actively searching for women this way, but I appreciate those travelers with the desire to experience some kind of new experiences.
Jeez you opened up a can of worms. I am 54 years old and getting hit on by any man is a rare occurrence nowadays. When i was younger 20-40 i was hit on so much it became a second job to say, “no”. Your generation really, i think, thinks that certain venues will keep certain types away. Darling there are honsey guys sitting behind you in church. My first couch surfer who was 67 at the time, after five days with me, tried to kiss me. Rather than freak out i thought about why this guy and not another? The CS experience allows two strangers to spend time together, in the most relaxed of situations. A home. I think this is great. I recently began to read random profile and see that there are people who are in relationships because of CS! Even getting married. And why not,? We choose profiles based upon how we think we will get along. And then we allow them into our homes.
Now, if the guy or woman can’t take no for answer then they must be left a reference that warns other men and women. This can go for gay or straight. Nobody wants to be violated. But i don’t think it is a CS no-no just because someone finds you attractive and says so. It’s what is done after a “thanks but no thanks” is said, that matters. Your semi-excuse that you prefer men over woman and then your,list of stereotypical crap about women, makes me think thou protests too much. What i mean is it reeks a,bit of i want to be pretty and sexy and be around men but why o why do they want to sleep with me? Because your pretty and sexy silly. Ifmyouncant take the heat, stay out of the guys kitchen. ManynCS women surf with me because they feel safer with me, but you sound like you might think older,people,aren’t as hip,as you. Everything you think you invented, i did 20 times already…
Yeah this is definitely 100% true. I just got back from my first couch surfing experience today and it was appalling. I wouldn’t sleep with our host and he actually said to me “What did you think you signed up for?” I was floored. All of his roommates and friends were awesome though and we ended up having a great time. He left us alone when he realized we wanted nothing to do with him. Thank god his friends were so amazing though or we would have left after the first day. He kept trying to wake me up when I was sleeping too to have sex with him. Finally I told him I would pay him 20 euro if he would leave me alone. And I’m dead serious I would have. I would couch surf again I would just do it differently. I think I would stay with women and never travel alone. We really didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into…
Hi Agness,
I am really interesting about this article. Honestly, I agree with you. Yes. nowadays we can easily found couchsurfers looking for ‘benefits’ from couchsurfing. but I pretty sure this is not generally. I know we still found host and surfers who not looking for that ‘benefits’ out there. like everything in the world there’s always a good things and a bad things. :D
Warm regards
@fentyasnath
I remember telling someone about Couchsurfing for the first time and he immediately said “Well that just sounds like a dating service.” And then he went on the site and started looking at profiles and said “Make it show just the girls. I mean let’s be honest here!” Then after a while going through them he finally shouted “We have a winner!”
He definitely meant it in good fun, and it was hilarious, but that’s exactly how some people use it.
Right, that’s cute and all but that’s exactly who SHOULDN’T be using the site. People who get it don’t see it like that, and those are the people, male and female, who will get the most out of it. Like I said in my original comment on this post long ago, there’s nothing wrong with casual sex while CSing if that’s what both of you want, but if you go into it expecting sex, you’re the problem.
Excuse me, but I don’t see a “problem” with that :-)
I’ve been an apostle of CS among many male friends and the “hook” was telling them how they could meet and take out to party nice girls from all around the world — of course many of them signed up with this intention, but the reality was tha NONE of them raped any girl (they are my friends after all ^^), sexually harrased anyone, forced anything to anyone, but instead they discovered an amazing way of getting to know different people and cultures, started inviting and hosting guys and couples and not only girls and even some of them improved their english and ventured into traveling and became the “surfer” instead of the “host”…
Where’s the problem? :-P
Hi,
I am male from Dubai, planning to visit USA in December looking some one to host me city not decided yet, depend .
look forward to hear from someone realistically.
Best regards.
Farhan Ahmed
This confirms what I thought the very first time I heard about CSing.
There used to be a sticker on trucks: “Ass, Grass or Gas. Nobody rides for free.
Interesting article, I think there are two things that jump out here to me:
First, the tone of your article suggests disapproval in principle with the concept of casual sex, and confuses this with someone feeling or being pressured into having sex with someone, just because they have been given a place to stay. The latter of course, is unpleasant and unacceptable, but the former is not really yours or anyone else’s business. Yes, you should not expect romance or sex because you host or are hosted by someone, but meeting up with others as you travel and wanting to have no-strings-attached fun is perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of. Sorry if I misread, but I found your tone a bit pompous. And by the way, I’d say anyone man or woman who says they need to love someone first, has either been socially conditioned to behave that way and/or is lying to themselves but maybe that’s another debate :)
Lastly, I know you clarify elsewhere that sexual aggressiveness can be female as well as male, it seems too often that you’re happy to characterise this as a guy thing. For those in countries that are still relatively more patriarchal, this would probably be the case. But in most of the west (and I can definitely say in the UK) females are just as able to be sexual forward and/or aggressive as men. In fact, (almost) the assumption that it is only men who want sex for its own sake or are quite forward in suggesting it, is very sexist. Women can and do enjoy sexual pleasure without wanting anything more, and again there is nothing wrong, shameful or shallow in this.
Did i type ‘couchurfing-sex’ or didn’t i ? ..i knew this topic had to be somewhere ;-)
I had a one-night-stand once..with a CS-host..BUT,it wasn’t in my plannings to do so when searching for a host,ofcourse not.The subject wasn’t mentioned in our pre-talkings,ofcourse not.
Our first mutual love,was the love for travelling,good stories,good books from around the world,different food,culture..etc,ofcourse.
We shared a bottle of wine that was filled with the couchsurfin’ spirit ;-)
I regret that some people on this site don’t have that ‘spirit’ and that they use this site for different reasons.
They’re not part of our ‘universal’-mind.
But,it’s not forbidden.
I don’t know if it’s gonna help a lot but i maybe can give a little tip:
(I am a professional planner,organizer..that’s what i do for a living)
If you put a little more effort in your host-/surf-searching..
If you check out people a little bit more in advance..
If you talk to them a little bit more, before meeting them..
(i know this is not so easy sometimes when you’re in the middle of nowhere,trying to find a last-minute couch,etc..)
SO : if you do a little bit more ‘planning’ (not too much,leave things open ;-)(your own preferences,ofcourse)
You would be surprised of the more interesting,kind people you get to know..
to the maniacs,i just sing a CS-cheerleader-song:
‘why don’t we do it on the road..,lalalala’
;-) Greetz,
Fen
Thank you for the idea.
We started a website
lets say 1% for you?
Hi, I wrote a considered reply to this but it wasn’t published. Can I check why? Thanks.
hi
i AM an egucated girl from Iran.and this is about 6 month that i am a member of Cs.
as i am a girl who the atmospher of each group is important for me(from the safeness pioint of view),and as i have been in several groups like montaining,sortive ,etc…. i found Cs members (though in Iran,though Foreigns who come here ) so polite,edgucated poeple whom purpose is nature,culture and poeple…so your article was so bizzar for me!!Although i know that no where is complete safe,but i think if some people use this portal as finding girls or boys for sex is completely wrong. there is lot of porn sites that can offer them the guys who choose this way,but ofcourse not CS.aim of Cs is the other things!( as all of us know!)
Hi Agness,
I must say that I completely agree with what you say. You are not blaming the CS community but are simply pointing towards the fact that CS has indeed, become a platform for sex for some people. Travelling and sharing cultures can include sex, but can’t be all about it.
I am from India. Considering your hosts, or couchsurfers to be potential one night stands is the attitude that has made couchsurfing very risky in India. Most members of CS India are males, 30+. Two of my friends, Florian, a French guy and Emily, a Canadian girl (blonde, blue eyed) were travelling together and Florian was surprised to see that while not many people replied to his CS requests, everyone of Emily’s requests were replied to, in fact a lot of hosts invited her. Now you know why I said blonde, blue eyed.
I have had a CS account for ages now, and if you check my inbox, you will only find messages from Indian male hosts, NOT asking me about my travel plans, but asking me if I could let them host me. A disguised offer for sex. Initially I used to send them a humble reply, showing them their place, and suggesting that it may be presumptuous of them to have sent me a message like that. But eventually, when nothing worked, I unleashed my ‘IGNORE’ side.
This clearly demonstrates what coushsurfing has become. Travelling is not ALL about this.
Using CS as a portal for finding sex partners has also led to untoward incidents all over the world, we already know that.
While, I think, airbnb is a safer, more reliable option. At airbnb, you feature your house for a price, like a BnB, much lower than the usual hotels or BnB. So this ensures that the traveller pays through Airbnb, and has a room to himself/herself for a price per night and also, often, the company of a local.
Nothing wrong with being libertine. Puritanical views on sex are best left behind in the Puritanical era. We are living in the modern era where two consenting adults can do whatever they want. As long as it’s consenting…go for it!
I do believe more and more people are taking advantage of a great website like CS to have sex with exotic girls.
A girl got raped by her host in Portugal last week, and many more face some sort of harassment, which is terribly sad and disgusting.
While in India, i got many offers from Indian guys to stay in their house, but my boyfriend was not allowed in, I’d have to go alone.
Lot’s of male members, some very active and engaged CS members have a hard time finding hosts in Portugal, whereas young female travelers with no profile, no friends, no references, nothing, get lots and lots of invitations, specially if they’re blond!
This is a sad fact. I wonder for how long CS will go on like this. I’m basically declining 100% of my couch requests, which is really frustrating for me as a host.
I decided to invite travelers who are active members, with references, who also host in their homes instead of the extremely young kids with no idea of what CS is about who request my couch.
Dear Agness,
Thank you so much for your amazing article! Unfortunately many women especially european women don’t really understand the cultural context of some countries, especially muslim. By the way i’m from the muslim country as well. Please don’t criticize my comment too much, i’m telling u from the inner cultural context, not from somebodys experiences or articles i read.
I love CS community and i’m quite active CS member. I had lot’s of great experiences both while traveling and hosting. Some of those people i hosted we still keep in touch and became long term friends, and my house is always open for these people again!
When i heard some of the negative experiences of my CS friends & then read your article i decided to write this comment.
If a female traveler doesn’t want to be harassed, she needs to learn at least a little bit about the culutral context, before she starts looking for a host in a certain country. In some countries CS just doesn’t work for male/female hosting/surfung… For example in muslim countries it’s absolutely not acceptable for two opposit sex to stay overnight in the same house if they are not relatives or a married couple. If a woman enteres a house of a man being single or just comes alone, she “tells” him unconsciously that she is open for sex. So guys are suprized to find out that women doesn’t want any sex with him.
Also many women from countries where to have sex with a random guy is normal, gave an impression to these guys that it’s ok for all other women. So it created a stir among those guys and they started to chase after girls on CS website.
So if a woman doesn’t want to be raped or harassed by the guy, in these particular countries, it’s better not to accept CS invitation to surf males couch otherwise be ready for anything…
Many of you guys will be very critical about my article, but I tell you that generally it’s like that. Minority will be thinking differently and those guys that lived abroad and have different type of mentality might behave and think differently, so i’m not saying that it’s the same for everyone!
So women please be careful!
and Thank you Agness for brining up this topic!
In my personal view i dont think couchsurfing is in anyway a sex surfing or something related with that.I live in a small city in Austira calle Innsbruck,which is a studnet city. Particularly here people dont speak english and to find something even a store,second hand shop, events, bars, or even to rent a flat or to even know some local stuff is very difficult when you are handicapped with languages.I had the same problem when i travelled to german speaking parts or even french parts,but as soon as they introduced a new method to meet new people and ask some questions at least i participate and try to answer them as many ways i can.I know sometimes its hard to explain everything, but you try to give a better ways. I have hosted a lot of people, and would continue to do so whenever i have time and space.Its very narrow minded when you think couchsurfing as a means of sex and dating since there are a lot of people who just would like to hang out when they are in new city, and with the use of technology we are making it more and more faster and easier.Its a situation in life that you can get trapped or even face some disgusting situation but thats how it is in anywhere in world everywhere in the world we have good or bad experience but now in the globalized world it has more good vibes.